


Every Breath You Take

by phantomsunsets



Category: Among Us (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Bonding, Comfort, Eventual Romance, First Love, First Meetings, Gay, Loneliness, M/M, Mild Blood, Nervousness, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomsunsets/pseuds/phantomsunsets
Summary: Corpse gently chuckles. "You don't cuss, do you?""No, my mom would be so disappointed in me."Again, he chuckles, and it's so beautiful to hear, to experience. "Maybe we don't have to belong. This is a big university, Sykkuno. There are thousands of students here, all in the flow of normality, whatever normality might be, and everyone has a place that they neatly fit into. Well, besides us. We don't need a place.""You really think so? All I've ever wanted is a place. To be Sykkuno and not.. the real me," he admits, laying his head in his hands. "I just wanna be somebody.""You are Sykkuno, and you are somebody. I am sure of it."
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 343
Kudos: 518





	1. Every Game You Play

**Author's Note:**

> To make this story sound more genuine, Sykkuno is referred to as "Tommy" in most of the fic since his actual name is Thomas. There will be more parts added to this as I write them, but I'm unsure of how many there will actually be. Maybe that's up to you guys. ;) Each chapter will be titled a different lyric from "Every Breath You Take", an infamous song by The Police. If you haven't heard it or need a refresher, I suggest listening to it beforehand. Enjoy!
> 
> (DISCLAIMER: This fanfiction is in no way meant to be a 100% accurate portrayal of any of the REAL people featured. Of course, I did my best to incorporate their personalities, but it's impossible to get them perfectly since all eleven characters exist in real life. Also, since CorpseKkuno is a ship involving actual people, please remember to be respectful to them and their friendship!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Do not read this work if you plan on attacking me for writing a major character death story. I am not trying to trigger anyone. I wrote this because I love writing. Think before you comment, for many people have been at my throat for this.

There is nothing inherently wrong with Tommy. His favorite drink is black tea with honey. He seldom curses, for his mother would not approve. He submits his assignments early after carefully proofreading each and every word. His nights free from the droning classwork consist of video games and Netflix. He even has a tiny cactus sitting in his dorm's windowsill, still thriving along, though Tommy lacks a green thumb. So, yeah, Tommy's just a normal guy. Well, except one thing. Tommy doesn't want to be himself anymore.

Longingly fantasizing about stripping out of the binds of "Tommy" and morphing into a beautiful butterfly with such strong and vibrant wings to carry him somewhere where Tommy is _not_ Tommy, but rather a confident man that makes others laugh and doesn't mind his smile and isn't afraid to speak in class and has so many friends that he can barely remember their names and.. and doesn't hurt himself. Tommy is tired of the pain, so tired. But, there is nothing else in his mundane, little life. He'll keep checking up on Joel the tiny cactus and getting too caught up in fictional romcoms on Netflix and combing over his words for the tiniest discrepancies and dipping a spoon of ethically sourced honey into his piping tea because that's what he's always done.

Tommy will continue to wear sweaters late into the spring in an attempt to hide his scars, both the new and the old. Tommy will wake up everyday at 6:25 A.M. as to not be late for his physics lecture. Tommy will let his mother trim his early 2000s emo kid bangs. Tommy will never be that butterfly he pictures in his head, the one with the wings that turn heads. Tommy will never be Sykkuno.

But as average Tommy stares at that flyer on his dorm's bulletin board with a pit in his stomach that buzzes more as his eyes take in its content, he begins to feel the least bit excited. The prospect of excitation makes his skin itch and his bottom lip quiver. Just for tonight, he'll hide behind the ideal version of himself and meet some other grungy low lives on campus looking for a few minutes of underserved fun that stop them from slitting their wrists over the bathroom sink. Because, in Tommy's mind, that's what all other new adults think about. Right? Yeah. Sure.

_Tonight Only! Join Cr1TiKaL for 6 hours of fun, playing Among Us and chatting on Discord. First 9 people to request admittance to "Charlie's Moist Game Night" server will join me in some lighthearted, sexy fun. As with all of my game nights, you must remain anonymous and will be kicked from my server after the game ends. Track me down to get the code! 10 P.M. to 2 A.M._

Ah, Charlie. Er, Cr1TiKaL. He's a funny guy, rather short, but he has great hair. Tommy would like nothing more than to be friends with someone as effortlessly funny as Charlie. Sure, he's very crude, and Tommy is everything but crude, but Tommy can appreciate his humor that flows with such ease. Everything Charlie says is without hesitation or a damn to give, and Tommy wishes he could be like that. Maybe they can make friends tonight. Maybe Tommy can make an impression on somebody, _anybody_ at all tonight. He craves something, whatever that may be. Something that makes him stop digging that razorblade into his tender wrists.

"I said, excuse me," states a voice, startling Tommy.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I didn't.. I.. I'm sorry," Tommy stutters, sidestepping away from the bulletin board. "H-here.."

The young guy with neon green hair raises an eyebrow while smiling. "You're good, lad. Whatcha lookin' at?"

Tommy's usually heavy-lidded eyes widen. "Oh, just.. chess club meeting dates. Ha, I love chess."

"You do you, fella. Oh, sweet! Charlie's having Moist Game Night tonight. I better give him a ring!" exclaims the man, his accent fluctuating as he speaks.

Tommy feels his heart jump. "You're friends with Charlie? Do you know where I can find him?"

"Right now? Uh, he's probably smoking a fat blunt with his usual crowd behind the science department. Why do you need Charlie?"

"Charlie loves chess," lies Tommy, speeding off down the hallway to track down Charlie.

A blonde man approaches the green haired one in front of the bulletin board as Tommy awkwardly paces away and questions, "Who's that, Sean?"

"Dunno, Felix. Some odd guy looking for Charlie."

"Ooh, I love Charlie! Are you joining game night?"

Sean bobs his eyebrows. "You'll never know. It's all anonymous, remember?"

"Oh, shit, yeah. What happens in game night stays in game night, or however that one American saying goes."

"Close enough, Felix. Close enough."

~

Sometimes, Tommy's bones ache. He always chalks it up to the weather or allergies, but deep down, he wonders if it's because he's dying. Would dying really be that bad? Yes, of course, it would. He couldn't imagine his grandmother having to hear the news. That poor woman doesn't deserve such news at her fragile age. Tommy will keep mentally wallowing in his bone pain that is definitely there, but not exactly physical, as he trudges through his day to day life. He will suffer for yet another day until he can't suffer anymore.

As soon as Tommy catches sight of that familiar hair, so long and dark, and such a rippling physique, his bones crumble all together. His lack of a backbone makes situations like these a thousand times harder. At least Charlie is alone.

"Hey! Charlie! My good man! What's a guy like you up to on this fine day?"

_You are so painfully stupid! How could you say that to Charlie? He's gonna think you're so weird._

"Uh, do I know you?" asks Charlie, sucking back a deep lungful of that fancy cigarette he's holding.

"Yeah, remember? We took composition together during our first year of college. It's me. Tommy. I, uh, I gave you that pencil that one time." Charlie's dark eyes show no sign of recognition. Rather, he looks mildly freaked out, which is rare, for it's usually impossible to read his emotions. "Well, anyways, I was, uh.. wondering if, you know.. uh, you had any spots left for tonight's Among Us game.."

Charlie smiles and reaches into the pocket of basketball shorts, pulling out a slim card with bold lettering. "You're number ten, kid. My number's on there if you have any questions on applying to the Discord server. All invites will be accepted at 9:30."

"T-thanks, Charlie-o. See you later."

Tommy immediately begins running off again, for his heart is pounding faster that his legs can carry him. Sure, making a fool of himself in front of a legendary dude like Charlie is hellishly embarrassing, but there is still time to redeem himself. There's still plenty of time to stand in front of the bathroom mirror and rehearse every last line that will come out of his mouth. For tonight only, Tommy will not be Tommy. Tommy will be the confident, charming, and funny friend of all, Sykkuno.

Oh, how that does have a ring to it..

~

Tommy sits alone at lunch. It's not always bad, so to speak. It easier on his mentality when he's alone, when he doesn't have to desperately try to impress people that don't really care about what he has to say to begin with. Though, Tommy does long for someone.. someone like him. Someone that is awkward. Someone that exists on their own plane of reality, squashed against this one and the next. Someone that notices him and doesn't mind his dorky smile and hateful scars.

As Tommy sits in silence at a small table in the very back corner of the cafeteria, he takes extra notice of the details around him. So many strangers laugh amongst themselves while alternating between bites of limp salad and copying down answers from their chemistry textbooks. It's a sight that he doesn't take for granted. Tommy's only in his second year of college, so there's time to fit in, time to grow. Time..

It's getting colder with each passing day now, so Tommy finds himself hugging his arms a little bit closer to his chest, palms facing inward. The weather gives him an excuse to eat nothing but soup as he fantasizes about the night to come. Will he actually manage to fit into place? Will Charlie laugh at his poorly timed jokes? Will anyone even notice Tommy? Nobody ever really does.

He rises from his table to discard his half-eaten soup and tray, but Tommy only makes it about six steps before his clumsy feet catch on the leg of a chair that is slid out as he walks by. Tommy takes a plunge directly into his tray, hot soup splattering directly onto his sweater. He wishes he could disappear, crumble into pure dust, as he lies there on the dirty tile, hundreds of pairs of eyes looking at him all at once.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there," apologizes the girl that tripped him, slightly snickering under her breath. "Do you need help? Hello?"

Tommy shakes his head as he lifts himself from the ground and speeds out of the cafeteria doors, drenched in soup and shame. Maybe that is enough to answer his question. Nobody notices Tommy. Well, unless they're laughing at him. The only times Tommy is visible to his peers is when it's convenient to them, whether that means making a joke out of him or copying down his well thought out homework answers.

He stumbles to the bathroom nearest to the lunchroom as his flustered cheeks take on a pulse of their own. How can he be so embarrassing? One person should not be as awkward and inhuman as Tommy. There's so much disdain for himself buried deep within his soul that boils so violently out of his pores in the form tainted fingernails that dip into his weeping wounds. Tommy clenches his teeth as his fresh scars cry out with ruby red blood. The pulpy skin on his tiny wrists comes off under his nails as he punishes himself for being so goddamn useless.

"You're so stupid!" shouts Tommy, into the bathroom mirror. Tommy drags his bloodied fingertips across his reflection in anger. "So, so, so stupid.."

In the heat of his breakdown, Tommy doesn't have time to collect himself before the bathroom door opens. His lungs stop pumping oxygen as he turns to stone once again. His sweater is dripping chicken broth onto the floor, and his wrists are leaking red, which has spread to his fingers and, subsequently, to the mirror. Tommy looks insane. Talk about a deer in headlights moment.

The lean, muscly figure dressed head to toe in black, only showing off a brown pair of curious eyes and thick, curly hair, stands between Tommy and freedom.

"It's n-not what.. what it.. it l-looks like," Tommy stutters, his light lunch threatening to join the other half of the soup soaking into his skin.

The stranger gently raises Tommy's Naruto crossbody bag into the air as his dark eyes glisten under the fluorescents. Tommy furrows his eyebrows in confusion and abject horror as the hoodie clad figure looks at him, not with disgust or fear, but rather with gentle understanding. Tommy carefully approaches him, fingers still bloody, and reclaims his bag. His eyes search the stranger's while pulling on the backpack.

"Thanks.."

Without another word, Tommy pushes past the man and begins, for the sixtieth time today, running as fast as he can to take cover where no other human can watch him fall apart.

~

Tommy dries his dark, fluffy hair as he relishes in the scent of his clean skin, smelling of jasmine and lavender. He looks himself in the mirror, rubbing his palms over his smooth cheeks and forcing a smile. His back pops as he straightens his shoulders in faux confidence.

"Hey, guys. I'm Sykkuno," Tommy practices, clearing his throat. "My name is Sykkuno. What's up?"

He throws finger guns up at his reflection, but it looks so wrong. Tommy shakes his head and goes back to drying his hair before pulling on pajamas. His flannel pants and long sleeved top compliment his body.. and hide the atrocities. Along with his Squidward Tentacles socks, he feels put together. Tommy likes his tween pajamas, though he wishes he could pull off a leather jacket and ripped jeans. He'll never be cool enough, though.

Tommy doesn't bother to slip on shoes as he paces on down to his dormitory's lounge to heat up a kettle of water for his black tea. There's a slight smile on his lips as he busies himself in the corner, not minding the pair of friends that walks in after him.

"Did you hear about that dude that took a spill in the cafeteria today? It was fucking hilarious!" exclaims the first man.

The other chuckles. "Alice got him good. I'd give anything to see that on video."

"Me too. Wanna watch the basketball game?"

"Hell yeah, dude."

Tommy hides his face as he sneaks out of the lounge and back over to the sanctity of his room, always safe behind the closed door. His bedside clock reads 9:28. In just two minutes, Charlie will accept him into the server, and he can pretend he's a cool, calm, and collected person just trying to have some fun on this Friday night. Because that's what cool kids do on Friday nights. They play video games with strangers.

His shaky fingers squeeze the bear shaped bottle until a sticky glob of honey overflows onto his metal spoon. Tommy mixes the honey into his tea and sets it next to his computer, Among Us already cued up and ready to go. He's quite fond of the dark green skin with the little plant on its head. In a sense, Tommy himself is that little stem with two leaves growing out of the top of the body of his ultimate form, Sykkuno.

Tommy's fingers nervously tap against his desk as he waits for the sound he's both dreading and unnaturally exhilarated to receive. When he hears that ping, his heart skips several beats as he unlocks his phone and hurriedly reads Charlie's message.

_MoistCr1TiKaL: type your pseudonym in chat so i know everyone's here_

_MoistCr1TiKaL: i'll start_

_MoistCr1TiKaL: critical_

_DisguisedToast: toast_

_Valkyrae: rae :D_

_Pokimane: poki!_

_PewDiePie: pewds :3_

_Jacksepticeye: spedicey_

_Fuslie: fuslie B)_

_Lilypichu: pichu ^-^_

_Sykkuno: sykkuno :)_

_CORPSE Husband: corpse._

_MoistCr1TiKaL: fuck yeah. join vc_

Tommy takes in a deep breath as he switches over to voice chat, filled to the brim with anxiety as six voices try to mix at once. Charlie types the four digit code in chat, and immediately, the lobby starts to fill with colorful, little guys in their chunky spacesuits. Tommy in his dark green skin with the simple plant on his head hesitantly stands next to Charlie's character, an utter dream in dark blue with no hat or pet. Charlie doesn't seem the type to dress up, so Tommy isn't surprised.

"Thank you all for joining Charlie's Moist Game Night. I'm your host, Critical. Going in order of the replies in chat, everybody please introduce yourself before we start the first game," Charlie instructs, in his unreadable tone.

"Hello, I'm Toast."

"Rae here! Hi everyone."

"My name's Poki."

"Pewds!"

"They call me Spedicey."

"Hey! I'm Pichu! ooh-woo!"

"What is up, guys? It's Sykkuno here!"

Tommy shivers at the sound of his voice, but nobody else seems to notice his awkwardness threatening to seep out. Well, at least they don't say anything about it. They all wait for Corpse to introduce himself, but he doesn't. There's just radio silence.

"Corpse? Can you introduce yourself?" asks Critical.

More silence.

"Don't be afraid!" Pichu exclaims, in her cutesy voice.

"Corpse is a corpse," adds Spedicey.

Still, there's nothing. Tommy bites down on his bottom lip, wondering if this Corpse fellow is nervous like him. He channels every ounce of courage from his entire body to pick up his phone and begin typing in the chat.

_Sykkuno: you don't have to speak if you don't want to, corpse. i feel the same way, but i'm trying to be brave for the first time in my life._

"Well, okay. Let's get started," announces Critical.

Tommy looks down at his phone right before the game starts to catch a glimpse of something that makes the odd man feel a little bit of serotonin leak into his brain.

_CORPSE Husband: :)_

~

**Hour 1**

"It was Sykkuno! He killed Toast!" exclaims Rae.

"Absolutely not. Sykkuno could never hurt a soul," Poki defends.

"Vote Rae. I would never kill Toast."

"SPEED RUN!"

**Hour 2**

_Sykkuno: i'll stick with you, corpse. :)_

_CORPSE Husband: my heart is full._

_Sykkuno: my heart is full too._

**Hour 3**

Tommy and Corpse have followed each other around for the past entire three rounds, and now they're dancing around the snowmen together. It's wholesome and rather humorous since the other eight people in the group have been trying to get Corpse to talk for three whole hours, but Tommy is the only one of them that's bothered to check in chat and converse with him, even if just a few times. Sometimes, being alone together in a crowd is worth more than trying to fit into that crowd.

**Hour 4**

"SPEED RUN!" shouts Pewds, for the sixteenth time in the past game.

"Who're we speed running now, Pewds?" Critical entertains.

Pewds giggles. "Uh, Corpse. Corpse is acting sus."

"No fair, Corpse can't even defend himself. I've been with him the whole time, and he hasn't killed anyone," Tommy interjects.

_CORPSE Husband: my hero :)_

Tommy covers his mouth to smile, even though nobody can see it.

_Sykkuno: you can count on me, corpsey!_

"Fine, let's speed run you then, Sykkuno," says Pewds.

"Yeah! Speed run him for once!" Fuslie adds.

_Sykkuno was ejected._

_CORPSE Husband: i'll avenge my sykkuno <3_

**Hour 5**

Though it seems Corpse gets imposter every other round, it takes five hours before Tommy and Corpse get imposter together. Tommy grins to himself as they, unsurprisingly, stick together to hunt their prey. During every meeting, Tommy vouches for Corpse, even if Corpse can't vouch for him back. Being the most fragile man of the group, the other eight usually take his word for it. This round is no exception.

Corpse is much better at being imposter than Tommy, so he carries them and makes almost all of the kills. They fake tasks together and vent all across the map, led by Corpse. By the end of the round, neither of them are voted off and they win, receiving much praise from the crewmates.

_CORPSE Husband: you're my favorite imposter, sykkuno._

_Sykkuno: are you kidding? you're so much better than me. o;_

_CORPSE Husband: no. you're also my favorite thing about this game._

Tommy, unable to fathom a response, goes back to doing his tasks. The smile on his face has never been bigger, though.

**Hour 6**

"One hour remaining," announces Critical, yawning. "Who else is exhausted?"

"Me.." moans Toast.

"Yep," Rae says.

"I'm not even awake," grumbles Spedicey.

"Speed.. run.." Pewds murmurs.

_CORPSE Husband: i don't get sleep anyways. i'm wide awake._

_Sykkuno: why not? :(_

_CORPSE Husband: nights are just rough._

_Sykkuno: not tonight. tonight is perfect._

_CORPSE Husband: perfect :)_

**The end of hour 6**

"Thank you to everyone who joined me for Charlie's Moist Game Night: Among Us addition. You're some sexy people, I must say. Keep an eye out for my next flyer if you wanna join me again. See ya."

Before anyone else can respond, Critical leaves the voice chat and once again becomes Charlie. It disheartens Tommy to see him go, for he's greatly enthralled with the prospect of being Sykkuno.. of having temporary friends.

"Goodnight, lovelies!" says Pichu.

"Later, bros," Pewds declares.

"This was fun, lads," Spedicey mentions.

"Bye-bye!" utters Fuslie.

"Au revoir," Poki speaks.

"Goodbye," replies Toast.

"I'll miss you all," Rae remarks.

"Night, guys," Tommy finishes, though he really doesn't want to let go. When just Tommy and Corpse are left in the voice chat, he feels it necessary to add, "Goodnight to you, Corpse. Thanks for making tonight so special."

Tommy's fingertip hovers over the "leave call" button with a pang of sadness in his tender heart, but before he has the chance to tap it and let all of his euphoria fade into the night, someone clears their throat. Tommy freezes in place, overcome with grogginess. He must be imagining things. He must be..

"You.. you make me feel comfortable, Sykkuno," gently states the deepest voice Sykkuno has ever heard.

"C-corpse?"

Silence.

"Yeah.."

Tommy exhales the frost that has gathered on his lungs from his mouth being agape for so long after hearing something so ethereal, something that should not be able caress the human ear with waves of gruff comfort. But, it's beautiful, and it reminds Tommy of drinking his black tea with honey. It's so bitter and even more sweet, melting on Tommy's tongue as he yearns to drink up the sound forever.

"Why.. didn't you talk in game?" he asks.

"Like you said, Sykkuno. It's not easy being brave."

Tommy's shoulders relax for the first time all night. "I think you're very brave, Corpse."

"That's you. You included my shy ass in this game and made me feel like I actually belong somewhere. That never happens to me," Corpse professes

"Well, your shy.. bottom.. made my shy.. bottom.. feel like I belong somewhere too. But, I don't belong. I never will."

Corpse gently chuckles. "You don't cuss, do you?"

"No, my mom would be so disappointed in me."

Again, he chuckles, and it's so beautiful to hear, to experience. "Maybe we don't have to belong. This is a big university, Sykkuno. There are thousands of students here, all in the flow of normality, whatever normality might be, and everyone has a place that they neatly fit into. Well, besides us. We don't need a place."

"You really think so? All I've ever wanted is a place. To be Sykkuno and not.. the real me," admits Tommy, laying his head in his hands. "I just wanna be somebody."

"You are Sykkuno, and you are somebody. I am sure of it."

Tommy wearily stands from his computer, taking his phone along with him. He slowly makes his way to the bed in the corner of the room. Tommy spreads out on his back and gazes out of the window on the opposite wall. How the stars do shine for him, amidst all of the loneliness.

"The stars are pretty tonight. Will you look at them too?"

"I already am. Which one is your favorite?" Corpse asks.

Little Tommy never gets the chance to be brave, to express his extremely limited bold side, but tonight is different, for he's Sykkuno tonight. "You, Corpse. You're my favorite star."

"Wow, that's the best pickup line I've ever heard."

Tommy's cheeks once again flush with hot blood. "I- uh, I'm.. you.. Corpse, uh.." he stutters.

"I'm joking," Corpse laughs, though Tommy almost wishes he weren't. "I haven't talked this much to someone in years."

"Really? You're so good at it. Much better than me."

Corpse chuckles once more. "Kids didn't take a liking to me, growing up. Everyone's always been too scared of my voice to even try to see the real me."

"That's why you're nervous to talk? Oh, Corpse. Your voice is so beautiful. Really, it's one of the most gorgeous sounds I've ever heard." Tommy yawns and shuts his eyes. "Like drinking black tea mixed with a spoonful of honey."

"That's very specific, but I love it. I really, really love it, Sykkuno."

Tommy gently smiles. "I'll make you some."

"When?" Corpse asks, his pitch rising with what Tommy hopes is eagerness.

"Right.. now.." Tommy trails off, so caught up in both his tiredness and comfort in talking to Corpse that he cannot even think anymore.

Corpse breathes a sharp inhale. "Yes, Sykkuno. You make me tea, and I'll-"

"Hold my hand?" Tommy interrupts.

_Did you really just say that?_

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

"Then, yes. Which dormitory building is yours, Sykkuno? I'll walk over right now. I can't believe this is happening.."

Tommy's grip loosens on his phone as he manages to whisper, "Three."

"I'll be there soon. Meet you in the lounge. And, Sykkuno?"

"Hmm, Corpsey?"

Tommy can't hold on any longer as he feels his tingly dreams trying to wrap him in a layer of cotton.. in Corpse's voice. The incoming sleep is so alluring and precious that he gives in and relinquishes himself to the infinite heaven that one enters when the world of the awake becomes too challenging to stay in. Tommy's fresh scars don't bleed here. They sparkle.

"Thank you for everything. I really think I like you," admits Corpse.

But, Tommy doesn't hear it, nor does he leave the safety of his bed to wait for Corpse in his dorm's lounge so they can make tea and hold hands. Tommy is asleep, wading in nirvana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhangers, right? Every reader's worst fear. How will Corpse feel about being unintentionally stood up by Sykkuno? Will Sykkuno even be able to tell him he fell asleep? None to worry, I'll have another chapter out soon. Please leave me a comment below if you'd like! It would really make my day. :)


	2. Every Bond You Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sykkuno goes on a week long mission. Will he ever be rewarded?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! Thank you for being patient while I write. As a treat, this part's a bit longer than Chapter 1. Enjoy :)

For the first time in his entire life, Tommy is not alone in his dreams. There is someone else with him, silently accompanying him through the sleepy meadows of Tommy's mind. He never lets Tommy's hand go as they venture farther into his euphoric dreams. It all feels.. beautiful.

When Tommy's eyes open late Saturday morning, he feels the autumn sun soaking into his skin from across the room, bathing the young man in rays of glory. His bed feels extra soft today, though he cannot pinpoint why. Tommy's sunny fingertips drag over his cheeks as they search for hair to smooth down from such a gentle sleep. His thin lips are pursed into a half-smile, heavy-lidded eyes opening to welcome the precious morning sent from the heavens. Tommy feels like the pinnacle of all that is good, gorgeous, and pure right now. Maybe he is.

Tommy's sleepy fingers trail down to his side and graze over the cold phone in his bed. His bedroom eyes take a second to adjust to the brightness, but once they do, he raises his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't plug it in last night before he went to sleep, so his battery is running on a, surprisingly, 6% battery life. That's when it hits him.

"Oh, shit!" he exclaims, covering his mouth upon hearing the naughty word leave his lips. "I stood up Corpse.. I stood up Corpse! Oh god, he's gonna think I was just leading him on.. Oh, god.. I TOLD HIM I WANTED HIM TO HOLD MY HAND?!"

The world starts spinning too quickly for Tommy to handle as he practically falls out of bed and onto the flooring. He opens Discord from his place on the ground while his heart palpitates. How will he explain this? Will Corpse even give him a second chance? Did he embarrass himself too badly to bounce back from? Tommy is about to start rambling on about how he was so tired that he was speaking gibberish because it just felt so good to actually talk to someone, and he didn't mean to make Corpse come over to meet him and then fall asleep.. But, the server is gone.

Tommy stumbles to his desk in search of Charlie's card and hastily dials in his phone number, only working with 4% battery now. His toes incessantly tap as one rings turns into two, and two turns into four, and four turns into eight.

"Hello?" asks Charlie, his voice gruff from sleep.

"Charlie! It's Tommy, and I really need your help."

Charlie groans. "Who?"

"Tommy! We talked yesterday. I was in your composition class.. I loaned you that pencil.."

"Huh?"

A sigh radiates from his lungs. "Sykkuno from Among Us last night."

"Oh! Sykkuno, hey. What's up, man?"

Tommy glares at Charlie, even though Charlie can't see him. "Which dormitory are you in?"

"Six, why?" he grumbles

"Go outside. And, hurry!"

As Tommy reels back his phone to hang up, it dies. He rolls his eyes and tosses it onto his bed as he slips on a pair of Vans and begins running as quickly as he can to track down Charlie and find out how he can contact the only person that's ever made Tommy feel as abstract as the rain.

~

"Charlie!" shouts Tommy, waving his hands as he approaches the dormitory. "Hey, it's Tommy!"

"Huh? Sorry, I'm waiting for someone."

Tommy crosses his arms. "I'm Sykkuno, Charlie."

"Oh, yeah! Why the fuck did you need me at 11:00 A.M. on Saturday after staying up all night?"

"You deleted me from the Discord server, and I really need to find one of the people we were playing with."

Charlie shrugs. "It says on the flyer that everyone gets removed from my server after the game ends. Why are you trying to find someone we played with?"

"Because I accidentally stood him up. It's a long story. Do you know who Corpse is? What's his real name? Where can I find him?" Tommy questions, frowning.

Again, he shrugs. "I don't know, Sykkuno. The only people I know from last night in real life are Spedicey and Pewds. The rest of those punks were just strangers. Corpse didn't even talk; why would you wanna find this person you don't even know?"

"Charlie, this is serious. I think I have a real shot at making a friend here, and I can't miss out again. He must think I purposely sent him on a wild goose chase to find me. I feel awful! At least tell me you have his Discord. I need to find him.. now!"

"Okay, okay. I don't remember giving this Corpse person a card, mainly because I didn't hear his voice. But, his Discord name was something like.. Corpse.. Corpse, uh.. Corpse Brother, right?"

Tommy shakes his head. "No, no. It was.. uh.. Corpse Friend? That doesn't sound right either. Corpse Guy?"

"No, I don't think so. I really don't remember," admits Charlie.

Tommy digs his nails into his cheeks and forces back tears. "What am I gonna do?"

Charlie puts a hand on Tommy's shoulder and says, "It was just one guy, Sykkuno. It's not the end of the world. It's not like you really knew him anyway."

"But, I could have! I could have known him, and everything could have fallen into place for me. I'll never know if I don't find him, Charlie. He thinks I set him up, but I didn't. I fell asleep while we were talking on voice chat after the game. Everything feels so wrong."

"You'll be okay, kid. If I find out anything from Spedicey and Pewds, I'll message you, 'kay? Now, go on back to your dorm and try not to worry."

He nods, though it hurts to admit defeat. "All right. Thanks anyways, Charlie."

"Yeah. See ya."

~

**Sunday**

Tommy's Sunday ritual consists of calling his mother as soon as he wakes up and telling her about his week, excluding all of the embarrassing and harmful things he's done to himself. She always goes on and on about how proud she is of him, and he always pretends that he's happier than ever. Tommy usually ends his call by pretending one of his numerous friends is knocking on his door, but that's never happened. Nobody's ever knocked on Tommy's door.

Today isn't much different, except that Tommy finds it unbearably hard to pretend like everything is perfectly fine while talking to his mother. He almost feels.. devastated, but Tommy knows he shouldn't. He's just overreacting. Everything's fine. He's fine. Yeah.

After Tommy hangs up the phone, he bites down on his lip and walks over to the stack of flyers on his desk, fresh from the copier. After hours of relentlessly trying to remember what the second word in Corpse's Discord name was, Tommy had to give up. Instead of tearing apart his brain, he opened up Google Docs and made something so pitifully "him" that it almost hurt. That was yesterday, though, and today is a new day. The day he's gonna find his sweet Corpse.

_A MESSAGE TO CORPSE: Hey, Corpse. It's me, that boy Sykkuno from Discord. I hope you'll give me the chance to explain myself. You know where I'll be tonight as I wait for the only person that's ever cared enough to read me. This time, I'll have black tea and honey. See you there. :)_

"Perfect.. Beautiful.." Tommy whispers, hoping so desperately that this works.

The young man takes a deep breath and shuffles through his small closet for his baby pink hoodie. His lucky hoodie is just what he needs to get him through the day. Will Corpse think it's cute? Maybe. Or, maybe he won't be thinking about his hoodie at all. Either way, at least Tommy will be able to meet the person that thinks he might be someone. How crazy. How lovely.

First, he has to hang up these flyers. There are fifty in total, so he plans on putting a few in each department on campus as well as the dormitories. As soon as Corpse sees one of them, everything will be okay. Tommy just has to hold out on hope for a little bit longer, though it's rather excruciating. Will life ever be in Tommy's favor? He'll find out.. tonight.

~

Tommy's powder pink hoodie goes down to his knees and way past his arms. He feels so small and safe inside of it, like a child in the comforting grip of his mother. Accompanied with a tight pair of blue jeans cuffed above his ankles, Tommy manages to feel rather.. nice. The kettle on the lounge's stove hisses at him as Tommy smooths out the wrinkles in his hoodie. The sound startles him from his racing thoughts of the night to come.

What will Corpse look like? Will Corpse like how Tommy looks? What if Corpse actually holds Tommy's hand? No, that would never happen. They're not even friends. Hell, they're _barely_ acquaintances. What if Corpse thinks Tommy is way more awkward than Sykkuno? Tommy's beginning to feel sick..

"Are you gonna take that off the stove or just let it scream all night?" asks a green haired fellow, the one that Tommy met yesterday.

Tommy quickly grabs it while blushing. "Sorry.."

"No worries. Just teasing," he laughs, facing back toward the television. "I'm gonna head in for the night anyways. So, will you be playing chess with Charlie soon?"

"Yeah, probably." Tommy nervously smiles. "Goodnight."

He waves goodbye before turning the TV off and leaving Tommy all alone in dormitory three's student lounge. Tommy breathes a sigh of relief as he sets two mugs on the little table he's taken over, next to the stove. Two seats: one for Tommy and one for Corpse. Tommy hopes he shows up soon. Nevertheless, he will wait.

Tommy pours the steaming water from the kettle into each mug and adds a teabag of his most favorite black tea brew imaginable. It's not cheap, but it is delicious, and Tommy will be glad to share it with someone like him.. someone like Corpse. He mixes a spoon of fresh honey into each mug and begins his wait in the chilly, little lounge.

~

**Monday**

"Uh, dude? Hey, hey! Wake up.. Are you dead? God, Sean, this kid is dead. They're gonna think we killed him!"

"Shut up, Felix. Kid? Kid, wake up," Sean demands.

Tommy peels his head from the wooden table, dry saliva painting the left half of his face. "Huh?"

"How long have you been sitting here? I saw you last night."

"Last night?" Tommy asks, glancing back and forth between both mugs of untouched tea. "Wait, what time is it?"

Felix glances down at the watch on his wrist. "After 8:00 A.M. Why are you sleeping in the lounge? Did you get locked out of your dorm?"

"8:00 A.M.?! I am missing my physics lecture! Oh, no.."

Green haired Sean faintly smiles. "It's just one class.."

"I don't miss classes! This is so bad.. How did I fall asleep here? I was waiting for.. for Corpse!"

"Corpse? Hey, didn't we play Among Us with a guy called Corpse the other night?" Felix asks Sean.

Sean nods. "Think so. He didn't talk."

"Wait, you guys played Among Us?" Tommy questions.

"Yeah! Charlie had Moist Game Night on Friday," Sean answers.

Tommy's eyes go wide. "Pewds and Spedicey?"

"Wait.. Sykkuno?!" exclaims Felix/Pewds.

"Yes! Yes, that's me. I.. I was waiting for Corpse, but he didn't show up last night. Maybe he didn't see my flyers."

Sean/Spedicey purses his lips. "We all saw your flyers, Sykkuno. Everyone's talking about it."

"And by talking about, he means making fun of," adds Felix.

Sean glares at Felix. "Are you fucking serious?"

He shrugs. "It's the truth."

"Wait.. I'm being made fun of? I don't understand.."

Felix sighs and explains, "Listen, advertising your romantic interest for someone called 'Corpse' is kind of embarrassing, especially how you worded it. I wouldn't come either.."

"Nice, Felix. Real nice. We'll get out of your hair, Sykkuno. Sorry about Corpse.."

"Romance?" Tommy mutters, clapping both hands to sides of his head. "He thinks I'm a weirdo. No wonder he didn't come.. Ugh!"

Tommy ditches the two mugs of cold tea and begins trotting to his room. As soon as he makes it to the bulletin board, his eyes catch on the flyer he pasted right over the advertisement for Charlie's Friday game. There's red ink smeared across his heartfelt message to Corpse, and it is definitely not anything Tommy unconsciously wrote.

_PATHETIC HOMOS WILL DIE_

_~_

**Tuesday**

Tommy's wrists hurt a lot more than usual today. He really did a number on himself yesterday, blowing off class to wallow in self-hate and immense pity. When he awoke, his sheets were stained with blood. His arms are so tender. His whole body is tender. Tommy wants to disappear.

After tracking down all fifty of his flyers he so stupidly hung up on Sunday and ripping them to shreds, he hid himself away to nurse the pain. He hasn't eaten today yet, nor did he eat yesterday, but the prospect of attending lunch and sitting in the cafeteria as his fellow peers gossip about him unknowingly in the form of Sykkuno makes him feel sick. Tommy decides to sit outside instead of eating. Yeah, his stomach hurts, but any kind of pain is better than humiliation, to which he feels much of.

As Tommy settles in the grass outside of the mess hall, he picks a pink lily to thread behind his ear. Tommy is quite fond of flowers, and one of his bucket list goals is to receive a bouquet of the brightest, most fragrant flowers around. Whether it's for his birthday, graduation, Valentine's Day, or merely for existing, Tommy just wants the simple gift that comes along with being loved. If only somebody loved him.

"Hey, Sykkuno. Whatcha doing out here?" asks Charlie, straying away from his group of friends.

Tommy shrugs. "Sulking."

"Go on inside, Matt. You too, Danny. I'll meet up with you in a minute," Charlie says, sitting down next to Tommy. "I saw your flyers.. Rough stuff, man."

"You don't need to tell me how embarrassing it is. Felix and Sean already did."

Charlie smiles. "So, you know them? They're good guys. Trust me. I take it Corpse hasn't reached out to you?"

"Nope. He must think I'm a freak."

"You are a freak. There's nothing wrong with that, though. I bet Corpse is a freak too."

"Think so?"

He touches the petals of the lily behind Tommy's ear. "Yeah. And, if he doesn't care enough to show up, he's not worth going after. Don't goatse yourself to some douche that doesn't deserve you."

"Goatse? What's that?" Tommy questions, furrowing his brows.

Charlie purses his lips. "Don't Google it. You're too pure."

"What do you know about me?"

"I know that you're a nice, soft guy." Charlie nudges him with his elbow. "And, I know that you loaned me a pencil in composition class last year. You're cool in my book, Syk. Take it easy."

Charlie dusts off his white tee before he heads inside, no doubt to catch up with Matt and Danny so they can eat lunch together. That's what friends do. Tommy only knows that because he's seen so many others do it. And, Tommy's not dumb. He may be dense and clueless at times, but he has a brain.. even if he seldom uses it.

"Sykkuno!" shouts Felix, jogging over to him with Sean by his side. "Hey! What's up?"

Tommy's stomach turns at all the human interaction he's had so far today. "Sulking."

"Oh, no need for that. Nothing from Corpse?" Sean asks.

"Not a thing, but I'm not gonna goatse myself to some douche that doesn't deserve me."

Felix nearly keels over with laughter while saying, "Charlie's influenced him."

"Maybe too much.."

Tommy forces a small smile and remarks, "Definitely too much."

"You're funny, Sykkuno. Have a nice lunch," Sean remarks, waving as he and Felix begin walking inside.

He lays his head against the brick building and sighs as they leave him. Tommy wishes he could be friends with Charlie, Sean, and Felix.. like actual friends. But, they don't understand Tommy, and he doubts they ever will try. Nobody has ever tried. Well, except maybe Corpse. But, then again, Corpse hasn't tried to find Tommy. That hurts the absolute most.

As a group of girls passing Tommy comments on "that one gay flyer", he decides to go back to his dorm and add a few more lines to his bloody art project from last night. Honestly, Tommy's beginning to think that's all he's good for: cutting himself. Perhaps he does have one purpose in life.

Tommy tosses his lily to the ground in frustration and sorrow as he trots away, too blinded by anger to notice the figure in black with equally as dark nails that picks up his discarded flower while watching him walk away. How pitiful.

~

**Wednesday**

Still unable to show his face in the cafeteria, Tommy skips lunch again today. It's not like he feels very hungry to begin with, but being able to cozy down in his lonely corner of the warm mess hall sounds rather enticing right about now. Tommy is finding it quite difficult to focus in his sociology course. The red pen gripped between his thumb and forefinger has barely written down two words of the last hour of the lecture. It's so unlike Tommy to not even try..

When the bell rings, Tommy quickly shoves his notebook into his Naruto crossbody bag and begins the treacherous walk across campus in the rain. It's just one of those days. Or weeks. Months, even. Years? Yeah, just one of those years.

Tommy shakes the rain from his waterlogged hair while peeling off his wet hoodie, knowing he will be unable to get through an hour and a half lecture while chafing in it. In his tee, he feels so exposed. What if someone notices his arms? They don't look pretty, not at all. From the basin of his palms to the inner crease of his elbows, Tommy is filleted. Some of those scars are newer than others. Very new. Weeping new. He sighs while slipping back into the soaked piece of clothing. Sometimes it's better to be uncomfortable than to have one's whole truth, sickly truth on display for rabid eyes to hone in on. Tommy just couldn't take that. Not today.

With twenty minutes left until he has to sit down in a stuffy room that he doesn't want to be in and try to take notes that he doesn't really care about, Tommy makes himself comfy on the carpeted flooring outside of the lecture hall. At least he is alone. Er, he _was._

"Hey, you," says a voice. Tommy looks up to see a girl with long, wavy hair in an ombre of blonde and brunette. "We need to talk."

Tommy looks around to make sure she isn't speaking to someone else. "Uh, are we in a class together? Sorry, my notes haven't been good today. Maybe ask me for them another time."

She rolls her eyes and exclaims, "It's not about notes! You're Sykkuno, right?"

"What? How did you know that?"

"I have my sources.. AKA one moist man."

"Charlie? Well, what do you want from me?"

The girl smiles and drops to her knees next to him. "My name is Rachel. Maybe you know me as Rae?"

"Rae?" gasps Tommy, covering his mouth. "Oh, god. It's so nice to meet you."

Rae leans forward to give him a quick hug. "You're the talk of the town, Sykkuno. Everyone who's everyone is gossiping about you and this Corpse fellow. How's that going, by the way?"

"Terribly."

"Figured. I want to help you."

His eyes glisten. "What? But, Charlie, Sean, and Felix said I shouldn't keep looking for him. Maybe they're right."

"You trust those brainless imbeciles?! That's your first and last mistake! No, no, no. I won't have it. I'm gonna help you find that mysterious man."

"How?" Tommy asks.

She smiles and holds up her phone. "With a video so heartwarming that he won't be able to resist. As long as you are prepared to take the heat from the assholes at this university that will put you on blast for this. Everyone knows Sykkuno. Do you really wanna put a face, a real fucking person, to that controversial name?"

Tommy bites down on his lip. This kind of risk, while bold, is also terrifying. Maybe invisibility isn't all that bad. Maybe he can forget about those cosmic words that Corpse said to him in that voice of crisp solace that Tommy can still feel running through his veins as he makes himself black tea with honey and dresses himself each morning and showers away all of his sin and cuts himself until blood runs down his arms and drips onto _everything._

With nothing else to lose and possibly something to gain, Tommy nods.

"Great. Let's get started. We're gonna make you go viral, kid."

~

Tommy clears his throat. Rae steps back. He tries to smile. She doesn't have to try, for she's been grinning for twelve minutes straight. Rae steadies herself. Tommy tries to breathe. Action.

"Hey, Corpse. This is me, Sykkuno. Last Friday, you made me believe in myself, even if just for a moment. In return, I stood you up, but I won't make that mistake again. Now, I know I'm not anything special or particularly enticing, but I want the chance to show you that I'm genuine and that I'm so sorry for how things ended when we first spoke. You told me that everyone has a place that they neatly fit into besides us. You said we don't need a place. Well, I think otherwise. I think that maybe we could be each other's place. Wanna know why? Because you're somebody. And, maybe I'm somebody too."

~

**Thursday.**

Confidence. Tommy lacks anything of the sort. That's the way it's been his whole life, but he's just now beginning to truly understand what it means to have crippling self-esteem issues when at least seven pairs of eyes are trained on him at all time. As he walks through the cafeteria to his place in the very back, there are hundreds of pairs of eyes all glaring holes through his thin form. Getting even the slightest bit of soup down today with all this attention will be harder than citing every digit of pi, to which Tommy has over three hundred memorized.

As Tommy sits down to open his carton of milk, he can't help but squirm under such burning gazes. Looking up from his meal, he notices that absolutely everybody in this room is looking directly at him and whispering to each other, some laughing, others making faces of disgust. Is this what it's like to be famous? Maybe Tommy doesn't want to know.

Across the hushed cafeteria, a familiar Jesus lookalike in his plain white tee and basketball shorts stands up and begins treading to the center of the mess hall. "This is fucking insane. I'm gonna goatse every last one of you!" he shouts.

Felix and Sean, on the opposite side of the cafeteria, begin rushing over to Charlie to stop him from mooning the less than innocent college students trying to enjoy their lunch hour. Yes, Tommy did Google "goatse", and he greatly regrets it. From a different table, the confident and collected Rae struts over to join the boys in the middle of the room, all looking at their peers with unhappiness.

"Corpse, are you out there?" asks Rae, spinning around in a circle to broadcast her message to everyone.

"We all know you saw that video of Sykkuno, but why the fuck do ya gotta treat him like this? We aren't in fuckin' high school anymore. We're adults," scolds Sean.

Felix nods. "It's pathetic and childish."

"So, where are you Corpse? That little boy in the corner over there has worked his ass off to find you," Charlie states, pointing toward a terrified looking Tommy. "Come here, Syk. We'll stand with you."

The four of them beckon him over, and for the first time in Tommy's life, he has actual people sticking their necks out for him. It feels like a dream. Hell, maybe he is still dreaming. The only thing that would confirm this is if Corpse walked up right next to him and introduced himself. But, maybe this is enough. Maybe Charlie, Sean, Felix, and Rae are enough. For now, anyways.

Tommy stands between Sean and Rae, each of them taking one of his hands to help him onto an empty table. The four guardian angels at his feet peer up at Tommy will hopefulness in their eyes as Tommy gazes around the room. He longs to see his precious Corpse.

"Corpse? Corpse, please. Are you there?" Tommy gently asks.

Silence. Then, chuckling. Laughter? Oh, no. LOUD laughter. Yes, that.

"Sit down, fairy!" commands a voice, shaking the room.

The laughter rolls and rolls as Tommy feels like he's being pulled in eighty directions. He spins and spins and spins on that table until everything is blur, and all he can hear is heinous laughter that penetrates his aching bones and completely crushes the last thriving bits of his soul into a black hole of dark matter and pure anguish. He's dying.

Every roaring kid in the mess hall begins pelting him with food, pencils, wadded up paper, books, plastic cups, wrappers, and everything else their grubby hands can get ahold of. Tommy closes his eyes and submits to death, preparing for the final gunshot that takes him out of this misery. But, before he can waste away, four pairs of hands grab at him and begin dragging him away.

"I'm so, so sorry, Sykkuno," whispers Rae, rubbing his back. "I'm so sorry."

~

**Friday**

Tommy didn't go to class today. In fact, he hasn't left his bed even once. The curtains are drawn, for the sun feels too blinding.. too painful.. to soak into his sickly skin today. The scarves tightly wrapped around his wrists aren't there to decorate him like a Christmas tree. No, they're there because he cut a little too deep, and his wrists have been crying blood since last night. When he tried to take the scarves off this morning, his wrists hurt so badly that he had to retie them. They were still fresh and ready to drip all over him. Tommy's bedsheets will need a wash soon.

He lazily steps onto the hardwood flooring of his dorm room and pitter patters over to his desk. Tommy is wildly dehydrated, and his head is killing him. Maybe he'll go raid the lounge for some ibuprofen. Or, maybe Tommy will just have a sip from his bottle of room temperature water and sulk back to bed to take another power nap. No matter what Tommy does, nothing will be able to take his dull pain away. The search for a ghost has left him as a joke of a shell.

Tommy's numb fingertips graze the untouched phone on his desk next to the half-empty water bottle. Instead of nourishing himself, he clicks on the home button to preview his messages. His physics professor has emailed him, probably about missing class twice in one work for the first time in his college career. Under that is a text from his grandmother, most likely a picture of her cat, Redford, in a bowtie. And, the last notification is a Discord friend request from CORPSE Husband.

"Oh my fu-" Tommy clasps a hand over his mouth to stop himself from cursing. "This can't be happening.."

The young man suddenly hears the sound of jet engines blaring deep within his eardrums instead of the usual white noise as he quickly accepts the request. Almost right away, his phone screen lights up and starts buzzing. Corpse is calling him.

"Hello? Hello, Corpse? Is that really you?" chokes Tommy, shaking from nervousness. "Please let this be real.." 

"It's real, Sykkuno," gently says Corpse, his voice just as ethereal and deep as Tommy remembers.

Tommy feels tears begin to run down his cheeks as the dagger in his heart is finally ripped out. He collapses onto the floor next to his desk and tucks his knees up to his chest while wiping his eyes. Can this really be happening?

"Corpse, I have tried so hard to find you.."

"I know, Sykkuno. I've seen everything," admits Corpse.

Tommy sucks in his cheeks. "Please, let me explain. When I was talking to you last Friday, I was delusional with tiredness and euphoria-"

"Stop, Syk," interrupts Corpse, sweetly halting him. "You don't have to explain. I was getting way ahead of myself. Let's just talk, okay? Let's just talk."

The fragile man smiles to himself. "Yeah, Corpse. Let's talk."

**Hour 1**

"How on earth did you crash your mom's car without her ever finding out?" Tommy exclaims, laughing at Corpse's story.

"I swear, it took all of my savings to replace that hunk of junk. I don't have the heart to tell her after four years."

"I think you should come clean. It could be really funny!"

"Ya think? Maybe. Only for you, though."

**Hour 2**

"And then, my foot was completely stuck between the two trees, but the wasp was getting closer and closer, so I started screaming like a little girl while swatting my hands above my head. The wasp lands on my shoulder, and I stop flailing, white as a ghost. I hear my grandmother shout from the porch, asking if I'm okay, but I'm so petrified at this point that I cannot utter a sound," rambles Tommy, as he mixes honey into his freshly made tea.

Corpse starts crying out in laughter. "Don't tell me it stung you!"

"Nope. It stung me.. twice!"

They both erupt into wholesome laughs together.

**Hour 3**

"Dropping out of school at twelve was the hardest thing I ever did, but I couldn't take it anymore. I always go back and forth between hating myself and being content with what I did," says Corpse.

"Corpse, look how far you've made it. All of the decisions you have made led you right here. And, I won't make fun of you for being a freshman. Promise."

"Hey, you're only a sophomore. A very cute one, might I add."

Tommy blushes. "Well, at least one of us knows what the other looks like."

"Sykkuno, you're extremely pretty. I wish I looked like you. Do you mind me asking what nationality you are?"

"No, not at all," answers Tommy, feeling giddy from Corpse's subtle curiosity. "I'm Vietnamese and Chinese. What ethnicity do I have to be to have a voice as captivating as yours?"

Corpse chuckles and responds, "White and Mexican, though I do like your voice more."

**Hour 4**

"To this day, I still don't know how to swim. I don't think I'll ever learn," finishes Tommy.

"Seriously? This is Cali, baby, you've _gotta_ love the water!"

Tommy's heart skips a beat. "The ocean is terrifying. I'm perfectly fine on dry land. Though, if you ever wanna teach me, I will definitely risk my life for that experience."

"Consider it a date."

**Hour 5**

"I haven't dated since she broke my heart. I don't even think I've talked to a girl since I got dumped. What was your first breakup like?" questions Corpse.

"Well, to have a first breakup, that would imply I've had my first partner, which I definitely have not."

"You're joking, right? Sykkuno, you're a catch!"

Tommy grins while covering his smile with a palm. "You're the only person on the planet that thinks so. I've not had many companions in this life, Corpsey."

"Well, you have one now."

**Hour 6**

Tommy could talk to Corpse forever and never tire from sharing emotional or funny moments, personal preferences, hobbies, and gossip heard around campus. He finds it so easy for conversation to flow with Corpse. Tommy's bones don't hurt anymore, for he feels lighter than God when Corpse gently speaks into his ear. Corpse is Tommy's drug.

"I really should get started on my psychology project now, Syk. I'm sorry I kept you on the phone for so long."

"Are you kidding, Corpse? I haven't felt this good since.. since we first talked. Do you really have to go? I'm really enjoying this.." Tommy whimpers, biting at his thumb's nail.

Corpse cracks up. "Yeah, really. Eat something, Syk. Take care of yourself, forever and always."

Tommy immediately focuses on the scarves tied around his wrists while replying, "You too. Why don't you come over to dorm three so I can help you with the project? Plus, we'll finally get to meet.. and have black tea with honey."

Unnerving silence makes Tommy jitter. Corpse seems to sigh and clear his throat before sighing again. The set of sounds together brings about the bone pain Tommy fears so much.

"I'm sorry, Sykkuno, but.. I don't want to meet you. I think it's in both of our best interests if we just.. don't," Corpse admits.

"What? Corpse, I wont stand you up again.. I really did not mean to last time.."

Corpse sighs once more. "It's not about that. I just can't do it. I really can't. I'm sorry."

"But, what about my flyer? My video? Getting thrown shit at during lunch? Does that mean nothing to you?"

"I said I'm sorry."

Tommy guffaws. "Well, your apology means very little."

"I have to go, Syk. Maybe we'll talk again? Or.. or maybe we should just put this all in the past. Pretend it never happened. Act like it was just a really good dream."

Tommy is about to protest, but the line dies. Corpse has hung up, and once again, Tommy feels so goddamn alone in the big, bad world he's been left to rot in, alone forever and loved by none. Oh, how the heart does shatter from the minimalistic of fractures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you expect that ending? Chapter 3 will be out later this week! I know it's slow right now, but things are about to speed up, so stay tuned! My 18th birthday is Wednesday, November 18th, so I might be a little late in publishing the next part. Please leave me a comment as a birthday present! They truly make my day. <3


	3. Every Smile You Fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month has passed since Sykkuno met Corpse. Needless to say, he's infatuated. Maybe even more than that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, Chapter 3! Things are about to pick up. Hope you love it! <3

Time goes on, even when Tommy doesn't want it to. The clouds come out after the sunniest of days. The rain cries from those new clouds that hide the sun, isolating her and forcing her to watch them sob. The screams of the clouds bear down on the earth as it floods. The thunder and the rain pound onto Tommy as he runs through the grass. His soaking wet feet slosh in and out of the muddy puddles pooling in the lawn, forming shallow ponds in the fresh dirt. No matter how hard he pushes his body, time will always be faster.

And then, there's the lightning.

It chases him through the storm, unrelenting and never-ending. Tommy can't slow down now, even though his entire body is numb from the cold water of the sky. The electricity calls to him as it lights up the eerie evening. The only thing that Tommy can do is run and hope that maybe, just maybe, he can find a way to kill time.

Tommy dashes out of the torrential downpour and through the main entrance of dormitory six. Without the rain to drown out the sound of his thrashing body, Tommy becomes painfully aware of his labored breathing. His breath crystalizes in the air in front of him as he drips his way down the hall to give a swift knock on one very specific door. As Tommy waits, he strips out of his parker to reveal a sweater underneath, unharmed from the elements.

"Sykkuno! We thought you'd never show up!" Charlie exclaims, as he opens his door. "You're wet, man."

"Oh, thanks. I didn't notice."

Charlie beckons him inside. "Grab some pizza. Felix, crack open a cold one for our little boy."

"Woah, you actually dared to show your face?" Sean asks, smiling. "Glad to see ya."

"And, don't even worry about keeping us waiting," teases Rae, as she pats the floor next to her.

Tommy sits beside Rae, relishing in the little amount of heat he can siphon from being next to her. "Sorry, Rae. I was redoing my physics notes. You know how tough Mr. Wang is."

"Hey," scolds Jeremy, grinning at Tommy from across the friend circle. "Do not besmirch my last name."

Tommy covers his mouth to giggle. "No harm, no foul."

Jeremy winks at him, causing Imane to let out a gasp. "Oh, just make-out already!"

"Imane!" Tommy squeaks.

"No harm, no foul," she reiterates, winking as well.

Felix places a can of cheap beer in Tommy's hand while saying, "Have a few of these before you start getting rowdy."

"If anyone pukes on my carpet, I will-" begins Charlie, before he is cut off.

Rae covers his mouth and finishes, "Goatse every last one of us deplorable apes. Get a new joke, Crit."

"Am I that readable?"

Everyone nods in unison, causing Charlie to fake a frown. He would never show that much emotion, let alone over his friends being able to truly see him. Because, in all honesty, it's a beautiful thing to be as naked as Adam and Eve were after eating the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Well, Tommy can imagine. A soft knock at the door startles him from his picture-esque thoughts.

"The other girls are here!" Imane cheers, hopping up in excitement. "Hi Leslie! Hi Lily!"

"Poki!" shouts Lily, hugging onto her tightly.

Imane grins while holding her back. "How's Michael?"

"Still a nerd."

"Too real," adds Leslie, pretending to fan herself. "I guess we're the last ones, huh?"

Charlie nods. "Yeah. Syk just arrived, even though he should have been here an hour ago."

"I got busy.."

Lily sits down on the other side of Tommy and asks, "Kissing Jeremy?"

Tommy blushes as everyone else laughs. He longs to find humor in his friends' relentless jokes about his relationship with Jeremy. Sure, they've studied together a lot since meeting for the first time last month during Charlie's Moist Game Night. A lot of things can happen in one month. A lot of things _do_ happen in one month. Because, time is limitless, and it continuously drags Tommy along for the next day in his own personal purgatory.

"Pizza?" asks Rae, extending a piece to Tommy.

"Yeah, thanks. So, how are you guys? What's new?"

Sean settles down in the circle with his, if Tommy had to guess, fourth beer and answers, "Better now that it's the weekend. Are you we still down for Among Us tomorrow? I just bought the Halloween pack."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Sykkuno, do you wanna get coffee before we play?" Jeremy questions.

Their group of friends oohs and ahs before Tommy responds, "Yeah, Jer."

"Ugh, the sexual tension is gonna make me bust right now!" cries Charlie.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "We're just studying!"

"Stu-stu-studying.." moans Felix, collapsing on his back. "I don't believe it for a second."

"Okay, okay. No teasing Syk," scolds Rae, placing a hand on his back. "Why don't we go for a walk?"

He nods. "That would be great."

Rae leads Tommy out of the crowded dorm room, to which he is grateful for. Yeah, Tommy has friends now, but sometimes, it's hard to breathe around them. Sometimes it's just hard to breathe in general. It feels as though his lungs are constantly full of the fleeting wind. Each word causes him more agony than the next, but Tommy doesn't show it. How hypocritical of him would that be? This is all he's ever wanted.. people that understand him. They understand him, right? Yeah. Yes. He just wishes they made him feel better.

"What's on your mind? You looked a little uncomfortable back there," Rae begins, as they slowly idle down the hallway.

Tommy shrugs and answers, "I'm okay. I just hate being the center of attention."

"Friends bully each other, but it's always okay to say you don't like the jokes about your relationship with Jeremy. How's that going? You never talk about it."

"It's fine. Normal. He's so smart, and I really appreciate having someone like him to help me study. He's easy to talk to. He's even easier to look at.."

Rae nudges him. "But?"

"But, nothing."

"Come on, Kkuno! Yeah, last month, you talked to a guy twice that you'd never even met, but he ghosted you! It's not your fault, but damn, you have to move on eventually. What's wrong with Jeremy? You should be mad over him! You guys would look so cute together. Or, what about Charlie? Pretty sure he's bisexual. Point is, you have to let Corpse go. He let you go, Syk. What more do you want?" she rants.

Tommy tries to smile, but it hurts so much. "I want nothing, Rae. Honestly. I'm fine.."

"Then, why can't you move on? Corpse isn't gonna come back."

Tommy sighs. "I know that. And, I really have moved on. My lust for him was just-"

"Infatuation with the idea of having somebody, right? But, you have eight somebodies now! We all love you, especially Jeremy. When will you love us?" she bluntly asks.

"Come on, Rae. You know I love you guys. I'm just not used to this whole friend thing yet."

Rae softly grins. "That's okay, Syk. You have us, and we're not gonna let you go. Wanna get back inside now?"

"I.. I dunno, Rae. I kinda just want to go back home, if that's okay.." Tommy admits, twiddling his thumbs.

She wraps her lanky arms around him and whispers, "That's okay too. We're here for you. Can you promise me one thing?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Give Jeremy a chance."

Tommy reels back. "Rae, don't.."

"You promised!"

"Yeah, before I knew this was a set up!"

She clasps her hands together in prayer. "Please, please, please, please please, please!"

"Rachel!"

Rae pouts her lips and gives him puppy dog eyes while begging, "Kkuno, please?! For me.."

"Oh my god.."

"If he's a bad kisser, I will never make you take a risk again!"

Tommy rolls his eyes and shouts, "Fine! We'll see what happens. Now, I'm going back to my dorm so I can finish my physics notes.."

"Yay! Oh, thank you. I owe you one."

He scoffs. "You owe me one hundred. Goodnight, Rae."

"Night, Tommy."

Tommy begin pulling on his parka while heading back for the thunderstorm outside. Yeah, lots of things can change over the course of one month. A friendless dunce can go from an absolute outcast to the talk of the town to just an average guy in an average group of really great, but average, friends. They're amazing, and Tommy absolutely loves having them in his life. But, he's still.. missing part of himself. And, he's even more destructive now than ever before.

Time.

He'll never be able to breathe if it keeps moving this fast.

~

Tommy hangs his wet parka up on the wall and kicks off his shoes as he makes it back to his room. A crack of lightning turns the sky temporarily purple right outside of his window, causing his lips to quirk up in a little smile. Moments of temporary happiness are rare, but he treasures them nonetheless. The small wins are the only things keeping Tommy going right now, for over the course of the past month as he's delved into the world of friends, he's also delved into the world beyond just self-harm. Tommy has been contemplating suicide.

Almost as soon as Tommy hangs up his jacket, his laptop on the desk across the room lights up with an incoming Discord call. This is where the lies begin, but truthfully speaking, they will never end. Tommy ruffles a hand through his messy hair and smooths out the wrinkles in his baggy sweater. He wets his lips and clears his throat as his heartrate picks up and sends Tommy spiraling into madness. His mouse clicks the accept button.

"Hey, Corpse," he greets, smiling into the camera.

"I see you decided to ditch the friends tonight? Good to see you, Sykkuno," murmurs Corpse, his camera focused on the ceiling.

Tommy shrugs. "I met up with them for a few minutes, but I knew you'd be calling."

"So, I'm still your dirty little secret?"

"Yes. How was class today?"

Corpse lets out a deep breath. "Better than yesterday, but that's not saying much. I cut my hand with a scalpel in biology."

Tommy giggles and asks, "That's better than yesterday? Let me see."

"I'm afraid so, Doctor. You really wanna see it?"

The older nods. "Yes. I'll take any excuse to see your hands."

Corpse chuckles, but Tommy isn't joking. He's never seen his anonymous friend's face before, so all Tommy has to go off of are those easily recognizable hands and that voice of pure silk that Tommy longs to feel brush up against him under the safety of covers, though he'll never admit it. A month does something to a person. A month brings out the primal urges Tommy didn't know he even had.

"All right, fine," says Corpse, angling his camera down at his desk and sliding his gorgeous hands into frame. "See? It's gross."

"Beautiful.." Tommy whispers.

Corpse's hands are unlike any hands Tommy has ever committed to memory. They're veiny and masculine, but the forever chipped black polish and those bulky, silver rings add a tinge of femininity to a rather intimidating voice. The glass beads strung together on Corpse's left wrist, the centerpiece being a milky heart, makes Tommy yearn for them the most. There is a peculiar daintiness to Corpse that Tommy fantasizes about meeting in person. What a sick dream..

"My wound is beautiful to you? Ouch.." Corpse teases.

"You know what I mean. I bet you give the best hand hugs."

The younger folds his hands into the shape of a heart. "I do. Now, let me see your hands."

"What? Mine are nothing special. Isn't my face enough?" Tommy questions, raising an eyebrow.

Corpse turns his camera back up toward the ceiling. "I love your face, but I want to see your hands too. It's only fair."

"Your logic is flawed. I've never seen _your_ face, Corpsey."

"Now that is what I think of when you say the words 'nothing special'. Hands, please."

Tommy's cheeks involuntarily heat up as he points the view to his desk and shoves his awkward hands into frame. They're small and insignificant. While Corpse maintains the perfect balance of masculine and feminine, Tommy's hands are _just_ feminine.

"There, see? Nothing special." There's a long pause of silence that sends shivers up and down Tommy's spine. "Corpse?"

"Sykkuno? Roll your sleeves up," Corpse demands.

The blood in Tommy's face drains away, leaving him a pale ghost. "What?"

"Roll up your sleeves."

"Shit!" Tommy exclaims, looking down to see two fresh cuts peeking out. "Sorry, Mom.."

Corpse sighs. "How long?"

"How l-long wh-what?"

"How long have you been cutting yourself?" Corpse bluntly asks.

Tommy tries to keep a calm expression as every artery in his body pulsates, threatening to paint the walls behind him in all of the blood he hasn't lost by repeatedly driving a razorblade into his flesh. The sheets on his messy bed will never truly be clean, no matter how many times he cries his eyes out while doing laundry at 2:00 A.M. just so nobody will see him in the act of self destructing. Tommy is obsessed with the act of ruining his body.

"Since I was fourteen. But, it's so much worse now," he admits.

Corpse pauses again, no doubt to contemplate what Tommy has just said. "You have no idea how much that hurts my heart to hear.."

"Don't say that.. It's really not a big deal."

"Hey. We don't lie to each other, remember? You know my biggest secret, one that I am so fucking ashamed of. I want to be a part of you, Sykkuno."

Tommy digs his fingernails into his cheeks. "You are a part of me, Corpse! You're the biggest part of my life right now, and you _know_ that. I don't tell people about my bad habit."

"Bad habit? Syk, it's an addiction. Addictions don't go away unless you get help."

"I don't want help."

"You don't want help?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Corpse.."

"Sykkuno.."

Silence. Tommy covers the camera with his palm as he bites down on his bottom lip and forces back the tears. His arms are stinging from the material of the sweater clinging to his weeping wounds. Tommy wants to pretend that he's put together, but Corpse can see through him like no other. His secret is out. Well, one of them is, at least..

"I don't wanna talk about it right now, Corpse. Please, don't make me talk about it," he begs, through tears.

"Hey, hey, calm down. I won't force you to do anything. I just want you to know that I'm right here. I'm right here, Sykkuno. You know that?"

Tommy rapidly nods, though his camera is still covered. "Now, you know. Do you think less of me?"

"Did you think less of me when I told you my secret?"

Tommy thinks back to his third call with Corpse, one that happened mere hours after the horrendous second one where Corpse broke his heart by telling Tommy that he didn't want to meet him. Corpse has a voice like no other, and it can easily be distinguished in a crowd of millions. No matter how hard anyone tries, they'll never emit sound quite like how Corpse's acidic vocal cords do. But, the thing is.. Corpse doesn't speak.. ever. His secret is almost as big, maybe even bigger, than Tommy's.

Corpse's entire university life banks on the fact that everyone around him — teachers, peers, the higher ups — thinks that he is a mute. He's fluent in American Sign Language, which definitely upholds his secret at all times. The only person that Corpse has ever spoken to on campus is Tommy. Alternatively, the only person that knows Tommy is a cutter is Corpse. Life just works like that.

"No," Tommy answers, finally. "Do you pity me?"

"No. Do you pity me?"

Tommy uncovers his camera. "No."

"We don't have to talk about this right here and now, but we will have to eventually. When you're ready to tell me, I'll be right here.

"Thank you, Corpse. You make me feel safe."

Corpse holds up his hands in front of the camera in the shape of a heart again. "Good. That's what I'm here for. Now, let's get down to business."

"What business?" questions Tommy, perking up.

"Do you wanna play Minecraft with me?"

Tommy smiles, really smiles. He nods while switching over to voice chat and pulling up Minecraft. Not everything between Tommy and Corpse is easy, considering how ungodly infatuated Tommy is, but Tommy doesn't care right now. At least there is somebody that Tommy can give all of himself to, even the ugliest parts. Hell, that must be something special.

Right?

~

**Saturday**

Tommy squints at his miniature cactus, Joel, as he kneels down to eye level and tilts his purple water bottle, ever-so-slightly. The little creature doesn't drink much, only a healthy drink once a week. Still, Tommy never forgets about his quiet friend. Joel's spines are prominent on his two arms and base, but Tommy still likes to feel them. As he finishes watering Joel, Tommy cannot resist the urge to extend his pointer finger and touch the cactus.

"Ouch!" he shrieks, retracting his hand and watching his fingertip spit blood.

Joel's spines drip Tommy's blood onto the pink bow hugging his terracotta pot. The bloody finger finds its way to Tommy's mouth so that he can suckle it clean and nurse the stinging sensation. A little blood never hurt anybody. Sure. More nutrients for Tommy, more nutrients for Joel. Their symbiosis works like that, and Tommy's dead certain they'll revisit this experience during Joel's next watering session.

"Sykkuno? Hey, Syk! Open up," Jeremy shouts.

"Coming!" Tommy dashes over to his door to greet Jeremy. "Hey, Toast. Did you guys have a good night?"

Jeremy smiles and steps into Tommy's room. "It would have been more fun with you there. Felix and Lily were so drunk by the end of the night that Felix slept at Charlie's, and Lily had to be picked up and escorted home by Michael."

"I sure missed a show. Did you bring your calculus notes?"

Jeremy raises an eyebrow and asks, "Wait, we're really studying today? I thought maybe we could just have some alone time before the Among Us game.."

Tommy, clearly embarrassed, takes his Naruto crossbody bag off. "Oh, yeah. That's fine. I actually think Imane wanted help, though, so maybe-"

"Shh, no class talk. We can study with Imane tomorrow."

"True. Okay. Yeah. Great."

They leave Tommy's room behind to start the gentle stroll across campus to the coffee shop. The clouds are gone today, but oddly enough, Tommy finds himself missing the rain and thunder. It was definitely uncomfortable to run through the rain twice last night, but it made him feel a little more content with things. In fact, the list of things he's content with is dwindling as of late. Corpse is at the very top of that list. Tommy can't tell anyone, though.

"So, why'd you take off so early last night, anyway? You barely even touched your first beer," says Jeremy, breaking the silence.

Tommy shrugs. "I'm not all that good at being social."

"I beg to differ."

"You should know as good as anyone, Jer."

Jeremy stops dead in his tracks to sweetly grin at Tommy. Tommy shyly averts his gaze to avoid melting on spot from such a look. He's never gotten it from anybody else before, and with what Rae told him last night, he has even more reason to fear it. Is this really what Tommy wants?

"I know that you downplay just how perfect you are. Remember when you were trying to find that Corpse guy? You made him flyers and a video. You stood up and asked for him at lunch! That's just so sweet and perfect. I'm really sorry he let go of you, but that loser doesn't deserve the chance to be your friend.. or anything more. There are better people in this world."

Tommy bites his bottom lip and asks, "Are there?"

One of Jeremy's hands softly caresses his own. "Yes, Tommy. Maybe you're just too blind to see it right now."

"Haha, yeah.. Can we go now?"

Jeremy nods and begins ambling along the path once more. Tommy rolls his eyes when he's sure Jeremy isn't looking and resists the urge to fall apart on spot. Whatever Tommy is feeling for his mysterious friend, Corpse, he can't seem to let it go. But, maybe he should. Maybe..

~

"Do you want me to get you a refill?" asks Jeremy, reaching for Tommy's empty mug,

He's about to protest, but before he can, Tommy feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. "Yeah, that would be great."

Jeremy smiles and goes to wait in line as Tommy rips his phone out. Corpse is calling, and now couldn't be a worse time. Tommy hops up from his seat and steps outside of the café to answer as his heart palpitates.

"Syk? Who are you with?" Corpse immediately asks.

"What? Why do you ask that?"

Corpse sighs. "I saw you at the coffee shop, and I just want to know who that guy is that keeps trying to hold your hand from across the table."

"Oh, so you're spying on me now? Real cool. How is that fair, Corpse? You get to see me, but I wouldn't even know who to look for," Tommy rants, his cheeks flushing.

"You didn't tell me you had a date today. I would have liked to know."

Tommy scoffs and look back to make sure Jeremy is still busy. "Don't you dare play that card with me, Corpse. We aren't even-"

"I _know_ we aren't! I just didn't know you were that type of guy."

Slightly angry, Tommy questions, "What are you implying?"

"Nothing. Call me when you get home."

Tommy digs his fingers into his cheekbones after he shoves his phone back into his pocket. This back and forth with Corpse is not what he needs right now, not when Tommy is drowning in his own headspace and barely able to breathe when Corpse isn't talking to him. They've discussed what they are on numerous occasions. And, what they are is nothing. They'll never be anything. Corpse doesn't want to meet Tommy. Tommy doesn't want to admit how he really feels for Corpse.

"Everything okay?" asks Jeremy, peeking his head out of the door.

"No. I really need to get home, Jer. I have to call.. my mom," he lies.

Jeremy nods. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

Tommy's anger flares up as he and Jeremy begin jogging back to his dorm. Tommy really doesn't want the company of Jeremy right now, but he's too nice to tell him to get lost. Even as Tommy hastily unlocks his door and paces inside, he doesn't have the heart to kick Jeremy out.

"Hey, Tom-Tom. Calm down. It's okay. What's this about?" Jeremy makes a grab for both of Tommy's hands. "You can talk to me."

"It's nothing! Really, I just need.. I just need to call her. Everything will be fine. Everything's fine. I am fine," Tommy rambles.

Jeremy pulls Tommy forward, catching him by surprise. "Don't think for a minute.."

Tommy's eyes widen as Jeremy carefully leans in and steals his quivering lips. The terrified man cannot begin to grasp what is happening. He didn't want his first kiss to be with Jeremy.. He wanted his first kiss to be with.. someone else.

"What are you doing?!" Tommy shouts, quickly shoving Jeremy away.

Jeremy raises his hands up in confusion. "Syk, you're kidding, right? Why can't I kiss you? Come on, we're _made_ for each other. I understand you, and you understand me."

"No, no you don't! You don't know anything about me, Jeremy. I like studying with you, but I can't do.. that."

"Why not? Is it because of Corpse? You're not over him, huh?" Jeremy accuses, furrowing his eyebrows. "You haven't been that great of a friend. I've tried and tried for you, Sykkuno. Why can't you let him go? What's so great about him?"

Tommy huffs as he fights back tears. "Don't bring him into this!"

"Well, one of us had to!"

The sound of Tommy's laptop ringing from across the room startles them away from their quarrel. Tommy's heart catches fire in his chest as the fear hits him like a bullet to the base of his spine. His mountain of lies peaks with one specific person, and of course, he just had to ruin the moment.

_CORPSE Husband is calling you..._

"You're kidding.. You're kidding!" Jeremy shouts, treading over to Tommy's laptop.

"Don't!"

But, it's too late. Jeremy hastily clicks accept, maybe out of fury, maybe out of disgust. No matter what reason he has for doing it, it's too late for Tommy to stop him.

"Hey, Corpse! Leave Tommy the fuck alone. Do you know how much you're hurting him?" Jeremy asks.

"What? Tommy? Who's Tommy? Oh, wait. Oh.." murmurs Corpse, as the realization hits him. "Can I speak to him? What's going on?"

Jeremy gets up close to the camera. "You're ruining him. He's sad and distant all the time because of _you!_ How can you live with yourself?"

"Wait, I didn't mean any harm.. I never wanted to hurt him.. You don't understand.. I'm.. I'm in love with him."

Tommy's mouth opens wide as he gasps, feeling the metaphorical waves of time crash around him. He longs to cry out for Corpse, to spill every last one of his hidden downfalls to him and tell him what he's known since the second he heard Corpse's voice on that fateful Friday night. Sure, a month isn't a long time. But, maybe it is in the grand scheme of soulmates. Maybe Corpse is Tommy's soulmate..

"Well, he doesn't feel the same way. We just kissed. He doesn't want anything to do with you. Leave Sykkuno the fuck alone so that he can move on with his life. Goodbye forever, Corpse," Jeremy fumes, slamming Tommy's laptop shut.

"No!" Tommy cries out, rushing to try and save the call. "Jeremy, how dare you?"

Jeremy tries to place a reassuring hand on Tommy's shoulder, but he refuses to let him. "This is what's best for you, Syk. Look at yourself! You're so blind when it comes to him. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care at all!"

"You know nothing.. You know nothing! He loves me, and I love him."

"You don't know him!"

"Yes, I fucking do! I hate you!" Tommy shouts.

He clamps a hand over his mouth, but it's no use. The evil words have already passed by his lips. Jeremy groans and shakes his head. Tommy can't help but let the tears trickle down his face. He never wanted this. He just wanted somebody to love him. Even if Corpse does hurt Tommy a lot, he helps him much more. Tommy can't let this once in a lifetime feeling pass him by.

"No, you don't. You'll see in time, Syk. He's no good for you. I am. So is Charlie and Felix and Rae and Sean and Imane and Leslie and Lily. We're your real friends. We stuck by you when the world wanted to bring you down. When you come to your senses, you know where to find me. Let him go, Syk. Let him go."

Jeremy lets himself out, leaving a withering mess of heartbreak, tears, anxiety, and scars in his wake. Tommy is hopeless.

~

**Sunday**

Tommy didn't play Among Us last night. He called Corpse approximately sixteen times, but the line just kept ringing and ringing and ringing. Texting him was useless. He didn't even open them. Tommy's dizzy from blood loss, for his night was extremely destructive and long. Not only do his arms hurt like hell, but his legs have joined the mix. Tommy's entire body is slashed.

He lazily crawls out of bed upon hearing a knock. There's no will left in him to pretend he's fine, for Tommy is anything but fine. He's a broken clock with too many stripped gears and lost springs. Only one person knows how to fix him. If only he would answer Tommy's calls.

"Rae, I don't want-" Tommy begins, only to realize that nobody is outside of his door. "Hello?"

Right as Tommy is about to give up, his eyes catch on something that was deliberately placed in front of his door. Lying there so delicately on the ground wrapped in lavender paper is a bouquet of the most gorgeous, sunset colored tulips Tommy has ever seen. He sits down on the floor to touch the petals and admire their silkiness. The scent of the beautiful bulbs makes Tommy's eyes roll back into his skull. They're perfect.

Tommy picks the bouquet up into his hands, only just noticing that a familiar bracelet of glass beads and a milky centerpiece of a heart is clasped around the wrapped stems. It's the same one that Tommy has spent so many nights admiring after profusely begging Corpse to put his hands into frame. He immediately slips it onto his wrist and realizes there's one more surprise with his flowers. It's a note in atrocious handwriting.

_Sykkuno, or, would you rather I call you Tommy? Either way, I would just like to apologize. Your friend is right. I'm bad for you. I'm controlling and obsessive. I'm shy and terrified. I'm scary and hurtful. And, I really am in love with you. That night we first met when I waited for you in dorm three's lounge for four hours was the bravest I've ever been. After that, I sheltered myself to avoid getting hurt again. In doing so, I failed to realize how much my own insecurities could hurt you. I won't lead you on anymore. I should have left us behind at the end of our second phone call, but I was weak. Take care of yourself. I'll always love you. Corpse._

Unable to hold his emotions in any longer, Tommy begins to shake and sob. There's no saving him now.

~

**Monday**

"Hey, Corpse. I got your flowers. Please call or text me soon. I really wanna talk with you about what happened. Do you really mean it? Do you really love me? Anyways, please contact me soon. I'm in a dark place right now."

~

**Tuesday**

"Corpse, you didn't call last night. I stopped going to class again and have been ignoring my friends since Jeremy freaked out on you. I'm still sorry he did that. I really wish you'd contact me. I hope you're just busy. I think we should meet up and talk in person. Please, don't leave me hanging. I can't do this for much longer."

~

**Wednesday**

"It's me again. I know I called yesterday and the day before, but I still have hope that you'll pick up one of these times. Maybe you just need some space right now. I understand. I'm really going through it and am in dire need of your companionship. We talked multiple times a day everyday for one month, and this Corpse withdrawal is making my.. tendencies.. worse. Call me back."

~

**Thursday**

"I haven't submitted any of my assignments this week. I can't eat. I need to know you're there for me. Can't we talk this through? We've fought before. I miss you a lot. Even a text will suffice at this point. I'm desperate, Corpse."

~

**Friday**

"I think I need.. to go to the hospital.. Corpse, help. There's so much blood. Something's really wrong. It won't stop. I can't get off the floor. Everything's spinning. Corpse, listen to my voicemails.. I took some pills.. Help.."

_ERROR: Discord user [CORPSE Husband] does not exist._

Sirens.

Darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes! I know it took me a hot minute to get this chapter out, but the rest of them won't take as long to write because I'm currently quarantined at home while I wait for my COVID test results. Just a heads up to keep you intrigued, Chapter 4 - Every Night You Stay, will take place in Corpse's point of view. Stay tuned! Leave me a comment to keep me smiling in quarantine. :)


	4. Every Night You Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corpse's story finally comes to light, but will Sykkuno ever get to hear it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 of 7 is here! This part is entirely in Corpse's point of view instead of Sykkuno's. Enjoy!

**Corpse's POV**

There aren't many young adults that find the sunrise so alluringly precious and worthy of giving hours of one's day to. The cotton candy pink and deep, golden orange collide in such a gentle way, lighting up the morning blue with vibrancy and passion. These sunrises make Corpse feel like maybe there really is something, somebody, watching over him during the beautiful moments of the dawn. Such bold, bright patterns cascading in the sky never fail to reflect off of the purple eyebags under Corpse's solemn eyes and remind him that, while the nights often seem impossible, another day will come.

They always do.

Corpse lazily waves goodbye to the morning sun outside his window as he draws the blinds and begins slinking his way to his wall length mirror. His fingers are numb, but that's not uncommon. Having weak blood flow leads to each and every part of Corpse's body falling asleep at some point throughout his day. Medication helps, but nothing will ever completely fix him. There are some days where Corpse accepts himself, though he more often than not loathes himself. His mirror is a prime example of his self-hatred.

Cringing deep within his stomach, Corpse tugs the sheet off his mirror and meets the reflection he's come to know, the reflection that hides a corpse. He's dressed like he is every other day. Every outfit Corpse wears consists of a black hoodie, black jeans, and black shoes. Yeah, he wants to stay hidden. What's so wrong with that? Well, a lot. Corpse is hiding a lot..

His hair is messy on this gentle morning, but that's not unusual. Corpse's dark, shaggy locks have a nice curl to them that do a nice job of hiding his eyes most of the time. And, then there's his mask. If his demeanor and fashion sense don't scare people away, his face mask does. From the bottom of his eyes down past his chin, Corpse is always covered with a dark purple face mask. The design of sharp teeth forms an eerie grin right across where Corpse's mouth would be.. if he ever took his mask off around others.

Corpse moves his bangs out of his eyes and leans into his reflection. His brown eyes match pretty well, but if one were to get close enough, they would easily discover the artificial inconsistencies. That's just Corpse's reality of having only one real eye. The other? Well, he hasn't had it since late tween years.

After all this time, Corpse's numb hands are steady when he slips a finger into the bottom of his right eye socket and gently eases the prosthetic eye out. He rubs the intricately crafted piece with his thumb while admiring the handy work. Maybe Corpse could appreciate it in a world where it wasn't his eye. Sadly, that's not his life.

He tosses the glass eye onto his desk, mentally telling himself he'll wash it later, and turns back to the mirror to slip off his mask. This is his least favorite part of getting ready for an hour or two of uncomfortable sleep after sunrise. Looking at his entire face with only one eye and no mask makes him feel wildly insecure and gross. But, Corpse has to face his fear. He does it almost everyday, depending on if he intends on sleeping or not.

Right about this time, Corpse would normally be sending a good morning text to his sweet Sykkuno, but things are different now. Deleting his Discord account was the cherry on top of the hate cake that is Corpse Husband. Going through Sykkuno withdrawal has left him a broken druggie desperately wishing for a fix of that wholesome man. Sykkuno always knew how to make Corpse feel like he was really worth something. Corpse rarely returned the favor.

Corpse holds his breath as he hooks his fingers around the straps of his mask and pulls it all the way off. The person staring back at him fills him with sorrow. Who is that corpse? Oh, it's Corpse. Makes sense. Sure. He didn't just make up the name "Corpse" for himself on a whim, for it was gracefully bestowed upon him by the nasty middle schoolers that used to profusely make fun of the bottom half of his atrocious face. Some things just stick.

When Corpse was twelve, life was easy. He had lots of friends and a steady girlfriend. He could talk loud and often without feeling pain. His voice wasn't nearly as gruff and deep as it is now. Twelve. That was both the last good year of his life and the beginning of the worst to come.

"At least you survived," they all used to say.

"It could have been worse," they constantly told him.

"Your nightmares will go away," they forever insisted.

Corpse dropped out of middle school soon after the incident. He didn't want to be pitied or hated, which were the only two options to the kids he grew up laughing with. Yeah, he went to a dumbed down version of high school online from ages sixteen to eighteen just to get his GED, but he knows if he'd just been smart, his high school life would have been normal. He'll never forgive himself.

The fire was all his fault, and Corpse paid the price.

Behind that mask that he treasures so dearly is the face of a man that lost so much at age twelve. His lips are puffy. His skin is scarred up and leathery. His nose is lopsided. Everything about Corpse's lower face is horrific to look at. To think, Corpse was really willing to show his dearest Sykkuno the true him the night they met, but he'll never make that mistake again. For starters, he _can't_ now. Sykkuno can't contact him anymore. It's for the best. It truly is. Corpse loves Sykkuno more than he's ever loved anyone, but nobody could ever love a corpse.

Corpse allows a sigh to pass by his swollen and too pink lips as he strips out of his hoodie and jeans to reveal even more, even uglier, scar tissue. This is the real him.. the him he'll never get to show Sykkuno. Corpse tosses the sheet over his mirror again before crawling into bed and staring up at the ceiling above him. He's always been dead to the world. The life Sykkuno gave him is gone. Now, he just has to move on..

~

"Corpse!" A series of bangs on his door echoes through the room. "Corpse, wake up! Let me in, you fucking pillock! Corpse!"

Corpse lets out a long moan while trudging over to his door, dressed only in boxers. He glances through his peephole to see the familiar red stripe in his only friend's long hair. With nothing to hide from him, Corpse opens the door.

_"Dave, what's going on?"_ Corpse signs, barely able to form the symbols with hands even more numb than they were before he fell asleep.

_"Something's wrong,"_ Dave responds, his eyes glazed over in adrenaline.

Corpse raises an eyebrow. _"I don't understand."_

"It's Sykkuno," he says, not bothering to sign. "Remember when I saw him on a date with that one asshole in my philosophy class and called you in a panic?"

He rolls his eyes, not wanting to remember. _"I'm trying to forget him."_

Dave grabs onto both of Corpse's scarred shoulders. "He's in danger."

"What?" Corpse croaks.

Corpse descends into a painful coughing fit after using his vocal cords. Lie number two: Sykkuno isn't the only person that knows Corpse has the ability to talk. Dave knows too, but that's it. The only reasons Dave and Corpse are so close are because Dave is just as weird as him, and he just so happens to be fluent in American Sign Language. After Corpse pulled the whole mute charade in one of his classes at the beginning of the semester, Dave took it upon himself to befriend Corpse. Having Dave around helps Corpse immensely.

"I know you told me to stop spying on him, but you're my best friend. Sometimes, I get carried away. This is your first love, man! I've looked for him nonstop across campus, finding zip this past week. But, I found out a little more today."

"What is it?!" Corpse demands to know.

Dave loosens his grip on Corpse, lips pursed. "He's in the hospital. It's really bad."

~

Corpse's knee incessantly bounces as Dave swerves in and out of traffic. He's supposed to be looking out for police cars, but Corpse can't focus with the millions of thoughts racing through his mind right now. He pulls open the sun flap's mirror to attempt to shove his glass eye back in while Dave speeds to the hospital.

"Really need that, Corpsey?"

"Yes. I can't have him seeing anything."

Dave rolls his eyes and asks, "What's the point of going if not to finally be honest?"

"You don't understand, Dave. Syk is.. so beautiful. Not just outside, but inside too. I'm neither, which is why I want to let him go. Jeremy's right. I'm so bad for him."

"It's not just about how you feel, Corpse. It's about him too. That's why you have to be honest, and you have to hear him out too. I don't know the state of Tommy's condition, but I've not heard good things."

Corpse finally manages to force his eye into place while asking, "How'd you find out, anyway?"

"Charlie. He went off the rails when he heard the news. Never seen that man show so much emotion."

Corpse slams a fist against the passenger's side window. "This is all my fault."

"Corpse."

"No, don't! It is.. It's my fucking fault!"

Dave shakes his head and scolds, "You're gonna hurt yourself by screaming! You shouldn't even be talking this much. How on earth did you have so many phone calls with this kid?"

"I always talked low. So low it was like a whisper. I didn't mind the pain if it was him I was talking to. He's been the one constant in my life over the past month, but I continually fucked with his head."

"Listen to me. Clearly, Tommy's not that stable. If worse comes to worst, you cannot blame yourself. You just can't, Corpse."

Corpse widens his eyes. "He could die?"

"I don't know. Just.. prepare yourself, okay? Prepare your heart."

He reaches to touch his heart bracelet for comfort, only then remembering he gave it to Sykkuno as a parting gift. No matter what Dave says, Corpse will always blame himself for what Sykkuno did. Cutting is one thing, but attempting suicide? It's quite literally insane.

"Don't ask that of me," Corpse mumbles, as Dave slams on the breaks to park.

They both bolt out of Dave's car and make a run for the entrance. Dave trails behind Corpse ever-so-slightly, nearly smacking into him when Corpse makes a sudden stop at the nurse's station outside of the intensive care unit. The woman staring at the weirdo in a face mask and emo Rapunzel puts her hands on her hips while waiting for them to catch their breaths. Corpse looks to Dave for support.

"We're looking for Syk-" Dave clears his throat. "Tommy, uh.. Tommy.. Corpse, what's Sykkuno's last name?"

_"I only found out his first name was Tommy from Jeremy, so I don't know,"_ Corpse signs.

Dave turns back to the nurse. "Tommy. He looks approximately sixteen. Anime character hair. Asian."

"You're looking for someone, but you don't know his last name?" she asks.

Corpse nods. _"Tell her that he has a really cute smile, but is embarrassed of it."_

"I'm absolutely not saying that."

"What did he say?"

Dave sighs and looks the nurse dead in her eyes. "Tommy has a cute smile, but he's very embarrassed to show it."

"Yeah, that doesn't do much," she admits, eyeing Corpse.

"This is pointless, Corpse. Let's just go."

Corpse glares at Dave. _"I'm not fucking leaving until I see him."_

"Did I just hear what I think I heard?" asks a familiar voice, nearing Dave and Corpse.

Dave waves at him and calls, "Hey, Charlie! We're looking for your friend."

"Is this.. Corpse?" asks Charlie.

_"Who is this small, bearded girl?"_ Corpse signs.

Dave snorts a quick laugh. "Yeah, Charlie. Can you point us to Tom-"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

Charlie jumps at Corpse and wrestles him to the ground, completely startling him. Charlie then pins him in place while attempting to swat at his masked face. Corpse covers his eyes to avoid losing his glass one in the scuffle, but Charlie is violent and relentless for being so damn tiny. Charlie, MoistCr1TiKaL, is such a legendary figure on campus, so Corpse expected someone.. taller.. by a lot. Still, Charlie is _not_ weak. Even though Corpse works out, Charlie clearly does too.

"Charlie! Charlie, don't kill him!" Dave begs, pulling him off of Corpse. "Have you gone mad?"

"This motherfucker broke my sweet baby boy's heart! Jeremy told us everything! Now, he's fighting for his fucking life! What's wrong with you? You're gonna die, punk!"

He squirms out of Dave's grip again to slap Corpse directly across the face. Corpse lets out a low shriek as his right eye flies across the hospital tile. Not only does he lose his prosthetic, but the right strap of Corpse's sacred mask with the sharp teeth print breaks, revealing his grotesque disfigurations. Charlie's mouth falls open in horror upon seeing Corpse's true identity.

"Are you done now, Charlie?" asks Dave.

Charlie points at Corpse's face. "Why?"

"A fire," Corpse finally speaks, spooking Charlie even further.

"Shit, man. Can I feel your vocal cords vibrate? No! What are you saying, Charlie? You're supposed to be killing this guy!"

Corpse begins searching for his eye while admitting, "Well, I deserve it."

"Wait, aren't you that mute kid? I'm so confused."

"Maybe if you used words instead of violence, we wouldn't be in this situation," grumbles Dave.

Corpse wipes his glass off on his hoodie and tucks it back into his socket, to the disgust of Charlie watching the scene unfold before his two _working_ eyes. Charlie turns back to Dave as Corpse works on tying his broken mask strap. Being this exposed makes Corpse want to puke, but not knowing the fate of his lovely Sykkuno makes him want to puke even more.

"Charlie, meet Corpse. Corpse, Charlie. You both have a common thread in this hospital, so _please_ put your differences aside. Can you tell us what happened to Sykkuno?"

Charlie nods. "He's been MIA for days, refusing to leave his room, answer messages, or open his door. Felix and Sean sent their dorm advisor for a wellness check, but Sykkuno still wouldn't come out. We all finally decided to call the police last night, and Syk was found bleeding out on his floor with a bottle of opioids in his system and vertical cuts on his arms."

"Holy fucking shit. How long was he there?" Dave questions, as they begin to follow Charlie down the hallway.

"Not long, thank God. If he had been there for any longer, Sykkuno would have died. Now, he's on a ventilator. The poor kid lost a lot of blood and had to undergo a transfusion. And, I entirely blame you, Corpse. If you hadn't entered his life, he'd be fine."

Corpse balls up his fists, but leaves Dave to do the talking. It's just easier that way, especially now.

"You're kidding, right? Charlie, if Sykkuno hadn't met Corpse, he'd still be a friendless nobody. He's the reason Sykkuno has you and your friend group now. Corpse loves Sykkuno so much."

"Why can't I hear that from him?" asks Charlie.

Dave sighs. "It physically hurts him to speak. Maybe have some sympathy?"

"Not for him. Not while Sykkuno faces death. I just don't understand where it all went wrong."

Corpse clears his throat and blinks a few times to prepare himself before saying, "None.. of you people ever really saw what was happening with him. I.. did. I wish I could have helped him. I really fucking wish I could have.."

"It's not your fault, Corpse."

"How can you be so sure?" Charlie spits, motioning to Corpse. "This guy only cares about himself."

Dave rolls his eyes. "You know nothing about Corpse. Where is Syk's room?"

Charlie points to the door at the end of the hallway. Corpse begins jogging over, but before he can twist the handle, a nurse exits and waves the three of them away.

"No visitors for Thomas right now. His parents are in transit, and plus, he needs his rest. Go on now, kids," she instructs.

_"I have to see him,"_ signs Corpse.

Charlie swats at his hands. "What's he saying?"

"Corpse really needs to see Tommy. Can't you just let him in for a minute?"

She shakes her head. "Absolutely not. Go back to the gutter you crawled out of."

_"May the maggots eat your brain while you sleep."_ Dave smirks at Corpse's sly hand remarks. "Oh, and also, fuck you," he says, aloud this time. "I'll stay all night if I have to."

~

**Sunday**

So many people come and go. The small waiting room fills and empties as the hours go by. The incessant tick of the wall clock is the only sound Corpse registers as his bodies tingles from not moving all night. Having such weak blood circulation has turned him into a humming generator. Still, the only other two people left in the waiting room don't seem to notice. Corpse only knows this because Charlie is drooling on his left shoulder and Dave is curled up on his lap.

Corpse's eyes train on a sorrowful looking couple walking down the hallway, clinging to each other with glistening tears in their eyes. He immediately puts two and two together. They are Sykkuno's mother and father, and they've finally left Sykkuno's room after a long morning spent with him.

Not wanting to wake up the sleeping, gorgeous haired men using him as a pillow, Corpse has to take his time in slipping out of both grips. Charlie falls over onto Dave as Corpse paces down the bright hallway. Sykkuno's door is cracked open, so Corpse refuses to not take a chance. He pushes his way into the hospital room, immediately overcome with the scent of antiseptic and the rhythmic beeping of the heartrate monitor. There, lying like a gentle angel, is Sykkuno.

Covering Sykkuno's mouth and nose is a bulky mask, no doubt the ventilator Charlie mentioned yesterday. There are various tubes connecting to both of his horrifically abused arms. Corpse nearly vomits at the site of the bold lacerations peeking out from the glue holding his deep, vertical, wrist to elbow cuts together. Even from where his gown ends and his bare legs begin, the skin of Sykkuno's lower half is just as shredded as his arms. Sykkuno's skin is sickly pale with patches of purple and blue bruising.

_"How could you do this to yourself?"_ Corpse silently signs, his throat too closed to speak.

Corpse hesitantly dares to caress Sykkuno's bangs with his numb fingers and fights back the tears that can only fall from one of his tear ducts. The other one? Well, fire is unforgiving.

"Syk," mumbles Corpse, his vocal cords straining. "I should have helped you that day I brought you your bag in the bathroom and found you covered in blood. I should have brought you that lily you discarded outside of the mess hall. I shouldn't have told Dave to spy on you. I shouldn't have been so selfish and obsessive. I'm sorry, Sykkuno. I'm sorry, Tommy."

Corpse wipes the wetness off of his left cheek and kneels next to Sykkuno's bed. Upon noticing the beaded bracelet with the big heart in the middle that Corpse gifted to Sykkuno gently positioned on Sykkuno's tender wrist, Corpse's body begins to quake. He truly has never felt this way about anyone else before, but that sure as hell does not justify his manic behavior. Keeping secrets, starting fights, calling three times a day, texting even more.. Corpse was so wrong to string this affection starved prince along, knowing on the inside that this would eventually all come crashing down.

"Tommy, if you can hear me, I want you to know that I meant what I said to Jeremy. I really do love you, and maybe it's too quick to say that because the past month of our relationship has been strained and wildly codependent and fucking toxic as hell. I needed you so much, and I think.. I think maybe you needed me too. I don't know how you feel. I haven't read or listened to any of your messages. My Discord account is gone. Why did you do this? Was it my fault? Please, just.. be honest with me. I want the chance to be honest with you.." Corpse whispers.

He hesitantly intertwines their fingers together just to feel the warmth of the one he loves. This simple touch makes Corpse begin to weep faster, though it hurts so much. Corpse doesn't cry often, for it takes a lot to stab him directly into his shielded heart and twist the knife until there is no other option than to just sob. His right eye, or lack thereof, aches with tears that want to spill out through the nonexistent exit. How pitiful.

"I don't know if we have the ability to make this right. I just hope that you'll forgive me in time," whispers Corpse, using Sykkuno's limp fingertips to wipe away his tears. "I love-"

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

Charlie wraps his short arms around Corpse's throat and begins tugging him away from Sykkuno's body. There's little fight left within Corpse, but he truthfully doesn't want a repeat of yesterday, especially not in front of his angel.

"Can you two spend five seconds without trying to kill each other?" Dave asks, prying Charlie off of Corpse. "You are feisty, Crit."

"Dave, I have mentally promised to keep Sykkuno safe forever."

Dave places both hands on his hips. "And, how did that work out?"

_"Get fucked, bro."_

The only rational one of the three side-eyes Corpse, even though they are both fully aware Charlie cannot understand the unspoken language they share. Corpse glares at Charlie through his bangs, to which Charlie returns the menacing look. Their unhealthy dynamic would greatly displease sweet Sykkuno, for he hates tension more than anybody. Yeah, he's awkward and dorky, but he would always go out of his way for his new friends. Corpse appreciates his personality so much and longs to see it presented in vivid happiness once again.

"Listen, Charlie, I know you love Tommy a lot and want to protect him right now, but his relationship with Corpse is much different than the relationship you two share. Can't you respect that, even if just for today? If he wants Corpse to get lost as soon as he wakes up, fine. Whatever. But, for now, we have to stay civil. It's for Tommy."

"Fine. Whatever," Charlie sighs, turning to Dave. "But _if_ Sykkuno wakes up, and that's a big fucking if, he gets to call the shots. And, if his shot is 'shoot Corpse', I'm turning Corpse into a corpse. Deal?"

Corpse taps Charlie on the shoulder to get his attention. When he finally turns around, Corpse holds out his right fist in front of him and bobs it three times. Charlie raises an eyebrow at Dave and shrugs.

"It's a deal, Charlie. Corpse agrees. Now, let's go down to the cafeteria, eat some food, and you and I can braid each other's hair. Sound good, yeah?" Dave questions.

Charlie nods. "Yeah. Corpse?"

Corpse nips at the air with his right thumb, forefinger, and middle finger. Nothing on earth sounds worse than trying to eat while Sykkuno rots in this bed, completely out of it. He made a promise, and he's going to keep it. Corpse is not leaving the hospital until Sykkuno forcibly throws him out.

~

**Monday**

Dave and Charlie stuck around all of yesterday, playing with each other's long hair and doing all of the talking that Corpse wasn't brave or stable enough to do. Those two stepped out of Sykkuno's room often to eat and talk with nurses, but Corpse never left. His biggest fear was leaving for even one minute and coming back to a lifeless.. corpse. There doesn't need to be two corpses in their toxic relationship. One is way more than enough.

Corpse should be in psychology class right now, but he will not even consider attending class until an update on Sykkuno's state is given. The nurses checked up on him often yesterday, but they told Corpse absolutely nothing. When a guest came to visit him, Corpse wouldn't make a single noise or move from the hard seat shoved between Sykkuno's bed and the wall. Nobody even noticed him or paid him a lick of attention. Corpse knew then and knows now that his friends didn't want to make a scene around Sykkuno. How much longer can he avoid them?

After a long night of staring at Sykkuno's sleeping body, Corpse needs to take a stroll to both keep himself awake and get his blood circulating again. His limbs are so frazzled, like faulty wiring in a complex structure that will never fucking work right. Corpse is a lost cause.

He lets out a long sigh while disconnecting his hand from Sykkuno's and slowly stumbling across the small room. Corpse hates leaving him alone, but he can't stay still for another hour if he intends on keeping all of his limbs. His fingertips are blue. Corpse only wants to warm them up so as not to freeze Sykkuno's little hands as Corpse holds them for comfort.

Corpse heads down to the waiting room to talk with Dave, even though he's well aware Charlie will be sticking to him. He doesn't want to wrestle with Charlie again, but Corpse is willing to take that chance if it means getting some advice from his only friend. Corpse steps into the only area in this wing that has actual sunlight and squints so that his only eye can adjust to the brightness. When the waiting room comes into focus, he nearly passes out.

"Hey, Corpse," says Charlie, smirking. "Why don't you come sit down with us?"

Corpse's eyes plead to a nervous looking Dave. _"What's going on here?"_

_"I think you're about to be murdered,"_ Dave responds.

_"Who are these people?"_

Dave clears his throat. "Corpse, meet Sykkuno's friends. Charlie, of course, as well as Sean, Felix, Rae, Imane, Leslie, Lily, and.. Jeremy."

Jeremy and Corpse lock eyes, and the vibe in the room shifts from awkward to hateful. Corpse understands why Sykkuno would want to kiss him. Jeremy is very pretty and holds himself well. He's nicely dressed with pristine hair, something Corpse greatly lacks. Not to mention, Jeremy looks way more capable of taking care of Sykkuno than Corpse. After all, Corpse is just a mute weirdo that only leaves his room to go to class and hide out in the bathrooms to eat lunch.

"Dave here, our new friend, says you don't talk much," Rae starts, crossing her arms. "Why's that?"

Corpse glances at Dave for help, to which Dave stands up and idles next to his friend. _"I was injured in a fire when I was twelve. It hurts me greatly to talk above a low whisper."_

"Dave, are you translating?" Charlie asks.

Dave nods. "He said that, at age twelve, a fire severely injured him. Because of this, he can only whisper in a low voice for short periods of time without experiencing immense pain."

"All right, my turn," Sean pipes in, standing now too. "What is your relationship with Sykkuno?"

_"It's nothing. It never was. Though, I do have strong feelings for him."_

Dave and Sean make eye contact as Dave says, "They aren't dating, but Corpse has very strong feelings for Sykkuno. They stopped contacting each other days ago when Jeremy and Sykkuno kissed. Jeremy told him off for playing with Sykkuno's heart, so Corpse cut ties."

"Wait, you actually left him alone?" questions Jeremy, raising an eyebrow. "That's the only good thing you've ever done for him."

"Hey, I can answer that one. Corpse did it because he didn't want Sykkuno to hurt anymore, but apparently, Sykkuno hurts a hell of a lot more without him. Seems as though none of you noticed how badly he was hurting, so there is no way you can deflect all of the blame onto Corpse. What Sykkuno did is nobody's fault," Dave answers.

Imane looks down at her hands. "He's right. It isn't Corpse's fault. Sykkuno was clearly hurting long before we came into his life, and we were too blind to notice it. What do we do now?"

_"Wait for him to wake up. I only want his happiness. If he never wants to see me again, I understand."_

"Corpse says that it's a waiting game now. He just wants Sykkuno to be happy, so if he never wants to see Corpse again, he'll leave his life for good." Dave sits down next to Charlie and smiles at his long haired counterpart. "We must all put our differences aside to come together for Tommy. No matter if he loves Corpse, Jeremy, or neither.. it doesn't matter. Point is, that boy has been through it. He needs a proper support system in his life from now on. Will that be you guys?"

Charlie grips Dave's hand and responds, "Absolutely. He needs help, and we have to be there for him. Personally, I'm team Jeremy, but it's not about that. It's about Syk getting better. You have such a way with words, Dave."

"Gross. Stop flirting," Lily gags, pretending to stick a finger down her throat. "But, I agree. This will never be about Corpse versus Jeremy. Our precious Kkuno needs love and comfort. Are we all in?"

"Definitely!" exclaims Felix, wrapping an arm around Sean. "I'm willing to see past our differences if it means we can speed run Sykkuno's depression."

"I'm in," Sean agrees.

"This is what he needs right now," adds Leslie.

"Even I can make temporary amends.. for Sykkuno," says Jeremy.

"Me too," Charlie replies.

"Of course. I want to see him happy," Rae gushes.

"As do I. For Sykkuno!" Imane finishes.

Dave claps his hands together. "Perfect. Now, we just have to wait."

Corpse looks to Dave and signs, _"Every night until Tommy wakes up."_

~

**Tuesday**

Corpse is spending the day at his dorm, but he'll be sleeping over in Sykkuno's hospital room again tonight. He hasn't heard an update, nor have any of Sykkuno's other friends, for his parents are keeping things under wraps. Corpse understands not wanting to broadcast his condition to the world right now, though he longs to know how he's doing and whether he's still out because he hasn't woken up yet or if he's sedated. Corpse desperately hopes it's the latter of the two.

Dave and Charlie are hanging out off campus, and Corpse is happy for his only friend, even if Charlie absolutely hates him for hurting Sykkuno. Corpse definitely understands. Still, it really is nice to see Dave putting himself out there. They would make such an adorable couple, though Corpse couldn't imagine being Dave's best man without getting his only eye clawed out by the shorter, feistier one of the duo.

Corpse has been using his calculus book to press the lily Sykkuno ditched in front of the mess hall so that he can re-gift it to the flower loving angel once he opens those pretty eyes. There is so much Corpse longs to say, but he genuinely doesn't know if he'll ever get to at this point. He's grateful for the memories, above all. Corpse definitely desires to make more, though.

Corpse is about to take out his glass eye and hang up the face mask for a few hours of real sleep, but before he can, his phone starts buzzing. He painfully clears his throat and accepts the call from, surprisingly enough, Jeremy.

"Hello?" Corpse croaks.

"Corpse! Thank fuck you answered. Everyone else is MIA. Listen, it's about Sykkuno. I just got off the phone with the hospital.."

His eyes go wide. "What?! What is it?"

"It's bad. Really bad. You have to get over here right now. He's gone into septic shock."

The phone slides out of Corpse's hand as the sound of his thundering heart fills his ears. Everything moves ungodly slowly as he begins to run as quickly as he can. Time is not on Corpse's side. Huh. It never really is, now that he thinks about it.

What does Sykkuno think of time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was by far the most fun to write. There will be 3 more parts after this one, so make sure you come back to read them! What will happen to Corpse and Sykkuno's relationship? Leave me a comment if you'd like! Each one fills me with immense amounts of joy to read, especially since I'm currently quarantined. :)


	5. Every Word You Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sykkuno is forced to face his new reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5! Only 2 more left after this one. Can you believe how far we've come? Enjoy!

The cosmic emptiness that exists within headspace spans across every metaphysical dimension that can only be accessed when one's mind is lucid away from their earthly form. There is no time, no sound, no vivid imagery. Colorful rays of hallucinogenic light cascade along the interlocking planes of shattered glass and bejeweled plasma to form new life, crafted from neon glitter and golden shimmer. There is not a series of words in any human language that can accurately describe the heavenly euphoria that comes along with being one with the rainbows.

"Can I stay here forever?" Tommy asks, though his voice emits as color rather than sound.

Corpse looks at him with those glowing eyes. "Do you want to?"

"If you'll stay with me."

"I don't belong here.."

Tommy frowns and grips onto Corpse's hand. "Why not? It's so beautiful. Don't you want to stay?"

"Of course, I do," says Corpse. The iridescent shards surround them. "But, it isn't my time yet."

The older one breathes in the magician's mist. "Is it mine?"

"I'm not sure. Do you think it's your time?"

"Please, don't leave me. You're everything I want, Corpse. Let's spend eternity together right here and never look back. I love you, Corpse. I love you so much," Tommy whimpers.

Corpse wraps his liquid arms around Tommy's spirit. "I love you too. I can't make this decision for you, Syk. It's up to you now."

"Wait, Corpse! Don't go.. Corpse? Corpse, where are you? I don't wanna be alone here. Corpse! Corpse, please!"

~

Beeping. Is that beeping? What's beeping? Tommy is so out of it. It's too early in the morning for this. Did his alarm go off? He can't miss physics again. Maybe he fell asleep during Among Us last night. Whatever happened, Tommy is beyond loopy. All of those late nights must be catching up with him.

"Is he waking up?" asks a voice.

"He should be. Dr. Neevra took him off of sedatives last night."

The first woman sighs. "What about the morphine?"

"Thomas will be off morphine within the next few days, as soon as proper pain medication is prescribed."

"Oh, he's so thin.. I hate seeing my son like this."

Something pricks Tommy's middle finger on his left hand. "That's normal. He's been out for three weeks, ma'am. As soon as Thomas starts eating without the tube, that weight will come right back. Right now, I need to change his saline bag. I'll be right back."

"Okay," answers his mother, gently touching his cheek. "Tommy? Baby, are you waking up?"

Tommy's eyelashes flutter, but for some reason, he can't open his eyes. What's his mother doing here? Maybe he overslept a _lot._ Perhaps he forgot she was supposed to visit. Shouldn't he be in class, though? Tommy doesn't feel the greatest.

"Mom?" he manages to croak out. For some reason Tommy's throat is extremely dry. "What's up?"

"Oh, Tommy! Tommy, I thought you were gone. Why did you do this to yourself, Tommy?"

She squeezes his face, though his skin feels oddly tender. "Do what?"

"Baby, you need to open your eyes," she softly instructs.

"It's bright.."

She gently kisses his head. "I know, Tommy. You're okay, though. Dad and I are having you move back home. You can try college again once you feel ready to, okay? For now, you just need to be home and taken care of."

"What? Mom, what's happening? I don't want to go home.."

Tommy finally manages to pry his eyes open. Instead of seeing the window across from his comfortable bed, he just sees white, velvety blurs. His mother's puffy, red face is so out of focus. She's clearly been crying, but why? What the hell is happening?

"Thomas. You tried to kill yourself," his mother states, her voice so distant.

"Huh? Mom.. I don't understand."

Tommy desperately tries to clear his brain. His last memory is.. Oh. _Oh._

"They found you in your dorm. What do you remember?"

"Oh, Mom. I'm sorry.. I didn't.. I can't.. I'm so sorry.." he stutters, trying so hard to keep it together. "I was going through a really hard time, and I took pills just so I could sleep, but.. but it went wrong."

She shakes her head. "Tommy, please don't lie. We'll get this figured out, okay?"

"Okay.. How did you get here so quickly?"

"What do you mean?"

Tommy attempts to sit up, but he doesn't have control over his body yet. "Did you drive overnight? How many hours has it been since.. since I was admitted?"

"Hours?" his mother questions, her face contorted in pain. "It's been three weeks."

"Weeks? What? No, that's not possible! Why weeks?" Tommy panics.

She hushes him. "Calm down, baby. You lost a lot of blood. You had a transfusion, but something went wrong. A few days after you were admitted, you when into septic shock."

"Septic shock? Oh my god. Mom, I'm scared."

"I know, Tommy. Everything's going to be just fine. How does your arm feel?"

Tommy eyes cloud with tears as he asks, "Which one?"

His mother's face drains of all blood, and she looks like she's just seen a spider crawl out of Tommy's mouth. Confused, Tommy looks at his left arm. For once, he doesn't have any fresh cuts. The vertical one stretching down his inner forearm doesn't look very pleasing, but at least it's healing. His hand is a little dry, but other than that, it looks normal.

When Tommy looks over at his right arm, his entire life flashes before his eyes. He lets out a petrified scream while painfully thrashing in his bed, desperate to get out of this place and turn back the clocks. How could this have happened? How was Tommy out for three entire weeks?

More importantly, where the fuck is Tommy's right hand?

~

Reality hits much harder when one is forced to accept their truth within the span of a few hateful seconds. Tommy's never found it easy to welcome change with open arms and a warm smile, especially when he has no choice in the matter. Irrational actions lead to lifelong consequences that just so happen stick their spines in untainted skin during the most fragile moments. Tommy? Well, he's always been made of glass. His glass just so happens to be shattered now.

The young man slightly perks up when he notices his door squeaking open. He hasn't been allotted visitors for the past few days he's been awake, but Tommy is finally allowed to have them. His mother is resting in a nearby hotel right now, so he knows it's not her. Oh, how he craves some company in this godforsaken place..

"Sykkuno! I'm so happy you're doing better. How are you feeling? Can I hug you?" Charlie asks, smiling widely as he steps into the white room.

"Please, do. I'm okay. Sleeping a lot."

Charlie carefully wraps his arms around Tommy, minding the IV in his left arm. "That's what your mom told us. I see you got our presents."

Both sets of eyes pan to the wall beside his bed. Bears, balloons, cards, and potted friend plants for Joel stand out against the pristine paint. Tommy covers his mouth with his hand as he kindly smiles.

"I love them. I'm so glad you're here. I missed you," Tommy gushes.

Charlie sits on the bed next to him. "What happened, Syk? Really, what happened?"

"It's a long story that predates the time I've known you. You wouldn't believe how many doctors I've had to spill my guts to since I woke up. I've officially been classified as not a danger to myself, though. I think that's good news."

"It _is_ good news," affirms Charlie, adjusting Tommy's bangs. "What's gonna happen to you, huh?"

Tommy points to the pill bottle on his bedside table. "Antidepressants. Therapy. And, a routine wellness check where at random times twice a week for the next three months, a mental health professional is going to show up at my dorm and.. inspect me. Total invasion of privacy."

"But?"

"But.. I guess it's worth it. I don't feel perfect, but.. I want to get there. I think. The past few days have been hard, to say the least."

Charlie nods. "I can only imagine. Do you wanna talk about your hand?"

Tommy winces as he finally casts his gaze to his right arm that abruptly ends in a bandaged nub. He's not used to it yet, and frankly, Tommy's unsure if he will ever be able to fully accept that his right hand is gone. Septic shock isn't anything to mess with. Realistically speaking, Tommy should be grateful he didn't lose more than just one hand. He doesn't have the ability to be that emotionally content yet. Maybe he never will.

"I'm scared, Charlie," Tommy admits, picking his arm up from the bed. "It should be there. I can almost feel it. Doc says it's normal to experience phantom pains, but.. it's excruciating. I feel so lost."

"We're gonna take good care of you, Kkuno. While you heal, all of us have decided to take shifts camping out with you so we can help you get used to having one hand."

Tommy shakes his head and says, "I can't ask that of you.."

"Well, you're not asking. I'm telling. We love you. We're your friends. And, we're gonna make sure you always take care of yourself. We didn't look closely enough at first, but now, we just want you safe, happy, and healthy."

Tears brim Tommy's eyes as Charlie squeezes his one good hand. "Thank you so much. I love you guys too. I can't believe I have such good friends now."

Charlie runs his fingers over the bracelet from Corpse. "Also, there's someone I want you to meet."

"Who is it?" Tommy asks, tilting his head.

Charlie gets up from the bed and opens Tommy's door to reveal an unfamiliar man with the most beautiful, luxurious hair of brunette with a red strip that Tommy has ever seen. He waves at Tommy with one hand as Charlie interlaces his fingers with the other hand.

"Hi, Sykkuno. My name's Dave."

"Hi, Dave. I like your hair."

Dave smiles. "And, I like yours too. Did you tell him yet?"

"No, I was waiting. Syk, Dave is my boyfriend."

Tommy gasps and exclaims, "Really?! Oh, that's fantastic news! I guess Rae was right.."

"About what?" Charlie questions.

"Oh, nothing. Come in! Sit. When did this happen?"

Dave and Charlie share a wholesome look as Dave answers, "When you were asleep. Our two worlds collided, and we've spent the past few weeks side by side."

"Worlds? What worlds?"

Charlie sighs. "Well, this is where things get.. murky. Dave here is the best friend of Corpse."

"Corpse?" squeaks Tommy, blood rushing to his cheeks. "Has.. he been here?"

"Before you woke up, Corpse stayed in here mostly everyday and absolutely every single night. At first, he would sit next to your bed and hold your right hand. When that one came off, he switched places. Corpse never left your side. Any time away at all made him feel super anxious," Dave explains.

Tommy holds back tears while looking at his wrapped nub, wondering if maybe, just maybe, those phantom pains he feels are actually the tingles from Corpse's beautiful hand gripping his own. He wipes his eyes with his only set of fingers and attempts to dry swallow the lump forming in his throat. These past days have been incredibly emotional for Tommy, but hearing that Corpse stayed with him, even after his hand was amputated, makes him nearly fall apart.

"He told me he never wanted to meet me."

"There's a reason for everything," Dave retaliates.

Tommy looks to Charlie for confirmation. "A good reason?"

"A good reason, Syk. I don't particularly like Corpse, but.. I understand him more now. I nearly killed him a few times in your honor, but I don't think Dave would have approved."

"Definitely not!"

Charlie rolls his eyes. "Anyways, I know he'd be here right now, but he went home a day before we got word you'd come out of it, so he has no idea that you're.. conscious. As soon as Corpse comes back, I imagine you'll want to meet him? Or, are you totally over that portion of your life? It's up to you, Syk. Whatever you want, okay?"

"I.. I need a bit of time to think. My emotions are still strung out. I need to get into a better state of mind before I actually see him," Tommy answers, his bottom lip quivering. "I can't believe he came."

Dave wraps an arm around Charlie. "Believe it, Sykkuno. Corpse does love you. Even if you don't want to consider a relationship with him, I think you should try your hand at a real friendship. He's the best guy I've ever known."

"Better than me?" Charlie asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Better than you," teases Dave, leaning in to peck his boyfriend's lips.

Tommy allows his head to hit the pillow as a surge of fatigue overtakes him. All he ever wants to do is sleep, which is supposedly normal, but Tommy wishes he could stay awake and talk with Dave and Charlie forever. The way they look into each other's eyes, one pair brown and the other the bluest blue that has ever blued, Tommy thinks he might actually know what love is. He's seen it before.

In fact, he's seen it in his own headspace.

~

Tommy is released from the hospital in one week. Though his mother is deathly afraid to leave him after all he's been through, he eventually convinces her to go back home. Tommy doesn't want her to see him struggle. In all actuality, he just wants things to return to normal. Whatever normal is. Tommy hasn't felt normal in a long time, maybe ever, but he wants to. Tommy wants to feel content in his own skin, no matter how scarred it is.

For the past several years, Tommy has only worn long sleeves and pants that don't even show his ankles, no matter what the weather is. But, as he crunches along the dead leaves of late autumn, cold air graces the exposed areas where his tee and shorts cannot cover. For the first time, Tommy doesn't bother to hide the gnarly scars he's forced upon himself over the years. Not even the vertical ones that had to be glued shut to keep him from bleeding to death are hidden by cloth bandaging. Tommy is on full display. And, he doesn't care.

"Well, look who it is," calls Rae, as Tommy approaches her. "How's it going, Syk?"

"Fine. My physics tutor felt so awkward while I was trying to write down what he was saying with my left hand. Know how hard it is to lose your dominant hand, Rae?"

She shakes her head while wrapping an arm around him. "No, not at all. Hey, your physics tutor is kinda cute.. You should hit on him!"

"Rae, Lily's boyfriend is my tutor.."

Rae shrugs. "Michael might be into that sorta thing."

"But, is Lily?" Tommy giggles, covering his mouth with the wrong hand. "I'm definitely not looking to date right now. I need to focus on me. Have you seen Charlie lately?"

She winks and answers, "Charlie's on a bit of a getaway with Dave. He'll be back later tonight. I'm so glad to see them together."

"Dave's pretty cool, huh? Never thought I'd meet someone with longer hair than Charlie.."

"A match made in heaven. Dave did call this morning, though.."

Tommy swallows the lump in his throat. "What'd he say?"

"Finally got in touch with Corpse. He knows you're awake. Are you ready to meet him?"

"I think so. What if he doesn't like me like this? I'm a bit deformed now.." whines Tommy, holding his stitched nub of a wrist up between them. "Corpse might think I'm tainted."

Rae side eyes him. "Tainted? Get it together, Kkuno. Are you forgetting what's on your other wrist?"

She grabs at his left arm and holds it up in the air. Corpse's bracelet glimmers in the dreary sunlight like moonstone in the night sky. It's been Tommy's good luck charm since waking up. He fidgets with it when he's in pain. He fidgets with it when he's nervous. He fidgets with it when he's forced to tell another friend or family member or doctor or mental health advisor why he did what he did. Tommy feels like he has a bit of his Corpse with him.

"Is he pretty?"

Rae laughs and elbows him in the ribs. "I think that _you_ will think he's pretty."

"Not your type?" asks Tommy, smirking.

"No. I think that someone else in our friend group is more my type."

Tommy bites the inside of his cheek. "Imane?"

"Sykkuno!"

"Come on! It's so obvious. Not that that's a bad thing. The gayer, the merrier."

She hides a grin behind her hand, clearly mocking Tommy. "I agree. Now, we just have to convince Sean and Felix to finally confess their love for each other."

"I'd pay to see that happen."

Rae nods. "Me too. Are you down for Among Us tonight?"

"No, that's okay. Get Dave to join you! I really need to study. I'm painfully behind in absolutely every single one of my classes. You understand, right?" Tommy questions.

"Yeah, Syk. Who's staying with you tonight?"

He winks. "Somebody."

"Oh? Keep your secrets. If you need anything – coffee, flowers, a hug, a weapon to commit murder – I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Rae. Call tomorrow?"

"Call tomorrow," she reaffirms, leaning in for a big hug. "I love you."

Tommy's heart swells. "I love you too."

Rae waves goodbye as Tommy grabs onto the door handle leading into dormitory three and lets himself inside for the first time in almost a month. Sunday evening chatter fills the halls as he walks past the lounge, peeking in to catch a glimpse of Sean and Felix watching football with a bunch of other guys. They look happy, and that alone makes Tommy smile. He doesn't stare for too long, for Tommy is eager to get back to his room and start trying to find a new routine.

Stepping into his room makes his stomach turn a little bit. Everything is a mess, and honestly, he doesn't have a clear grasp of the days leading up to his suicide attempt, but even this seems excessive. His bedsheets are bloody, as is the flooring. Books are strewn about everywhere with dead flowers and dirty clothes. This crime scene feels so foreign to Tommy, but.. it's not. This was what he did to himself in his darkest hours.

"Well, I guess I should start cleaning up."

"Need some help?" asks a familiar voice.

Tommy turns around and smiles upon seeing the person he'll be spending the night with. "Yeah, that'd be great, Jer. If you don't mind, of course."

"I don't. Trust me, Sykkuno."

Jeremy delicately touches the stitch work on Tommy's right wrist. Tommy's cheeks fluster at such a gentle touch. For once, though, the phantom pains don't threaten to tear at his nonexistent flesh and bones. There is only comfort with Jeremy.

"I do, Jeremy. I really do."

~

Tommy sucks in a deep breath. How many hours has it been? At least a million. Dave has been so accommodating over the course of the day, but Tommy hasn't been the greatest guest. All he can do is look at the clock and try to keep his dinner down. It's so late now. Will this waiting ever come to an end? His whole body jitters as he glares up at the ceiling from Dave's bed.

"Do you want some water?" Dave asks, finally standing up from his desk chair.

"Yeah, thanks."

Dave passes Tommy a bottle of water, but Tommy only clutches it close to his chest just to give him something to hold on to. Without even noticing, he begins tapping his nub against the wall, wincing with each shock of pain that climbs up his arm as his scar hits the wall.

"Maybe you shouldn't do that?"

Tommy stops, mid bang. "Probably. I'm just.. nervous. Maybe this was a bad idea."

"Maybe. But, at least Charlie isn't here."

"Oh god, can you imagine? I don't want your boyfriend killing your best friend. That would be such a hassle to deal with," sighs Tommy, finally sitting up. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

Dave nods. "Want to borrow a jacket? It's cold outside. Plus, you're dressed too much like Charlie for comfort."

"That's okay. I just need some air. If Corpse shows up, track me down.. I guess."

"Will do. I'm gonna call Charlie."

Tommy leaves Dave's room just in his yellow, Pikachu tee and a pair of paisley patterned short shorts. He doesn't mind that it's cold, for the chilly air feels so good on his constantly burning wrist. The autumn crickets sing to him sweetly as Tommy meanders along the concrete path in the grass that connects all of the dormitories. Street lamps light up the courtyard in various different patches of darkness, attracting Tommy like a moth to a flame. The nights comfort him greatly, especially now.

A figure sitting on a metal bench next to a lamp catches Tommy's attention in his silent stroll as he ambles along. As he gets closer, Tommy can make out a few details. The figure is wearing a black hoodie. His hair is curly. There's polish on his pale hands. Huh.

_Huh._

Could it be?

No.

Maybe?

No..

"Corpse?" whispers Tommy, barely audible.

The figure freezes in place on the bench. His foot stops tapping away. He's no longer moving his hands. The choir of crickets pauses their sorrowful song. Time is no more.

"Is this real?" he quietly asks.

Tommy nearly keels over at such a deep, honeysuckle voice. "It's you. It's really you."

"Sykkuno, don't. I don't have my mask on. You don't wanna see my face just yet," Corpse warns, as Tommy begins to near him.

"Corpse, what are you talking about? I really want to see you. I _need_ to see you."

Corpse stands up, back to Tommy, and says, "I won't blame you if you run."

"I won't run."

He slowly starts turning around, almost painfully so, while Tommy does his best to focus in on Corpse under the dim light of the lamp next to them. Tommy holds his breath and prepares himself. Once his eyes adjust, he takes a mental picture of the man standing in front of him. One of his eyes is dark brown, just like Tommy's own, and the other.. is missing. A pink eye socket shimmers in its place. Below eye level, Corpse's face is comprised of scar tissue. His nose is a bit misshapen, and those lips of his are greatly puffy and disfigured. Above all, Corpse is the most beautiful person Tommy has ever seen in his life.

"Wow. You're breathtaking. Corpse, you're so pretty. You're a dream," gasps Tommy.

"Syk.."

Tommy balls his only hand up into a fist and taps it against his chest. "You really are. How could you ever think otherwise?"

"I'm a monster, Sykkuno. Everyone's scared of me. My face. My voice. All of it."

"You're no such thing. And, if you really consider yourself a monster.." Tommy holds up his handless arm. "Consider me one too."

Corpse hesitantly reaches forward. "May I?"

Tommy nods. "It's tender, but I'm fine. We'll be monsters together."

"Syk, can you tell me something? Did.. did you do this because of me?" Corpse asks.

"Do not ever try to blame yourself. Everything I did was my own fault. I'm getting help now. I'll be okay. Will you?"

The younger looks at him with great sorrow. "I don't know. I'm just so fucking glad you're okay."

Tommy leans across the bench and wraps his arms around Corpse. Corpse immediately hugs him back, and Tommy swears he's on the moon. The feeling of Corpse's muscly arms gripping him is like nothing Tommy has ever experienced. Well, except maybe in his sedated dreams floating amongst the cosmic dust. Was someone there with him? Who knows.

"You're really warm," Tommy coos, into Corpse's ear.

Corpse shudders. "And, you're freezing. You should wear my hoodie."

"You won't mind?"

"Not at all." Corpse sheds his hoodie to reveal the biceps that Tommy pictured in his head.. with a hell of a lot more scar tissue. "Sorry about my shirt. I spilled wine all on my white tee."

Tommy chuckles at the purple stains covering Corpse's shirt. "And, you decided to keep it? It's kinda pretty. Hey, look. We both have scars."

"We do. You make me feel confident about mine. Thank you, Sykkuno," Corpse admits.

"Don't mention it. I really hope that we can be friends, Corpse."

Corpse smiles at him and nods. "Yeah. Friends. I'd like that very much."

Tommy pulls on Corpse's hoodie and relishes in the scent of spicy cologne and immense warmth. They begin walking off into the night together, side by side and content with their first interaction. Tommy doesn't know what his future holds or if Corpse is even a part of it, but he can greatly appreciate this time they have together. Time together, as friends.

~

Tommy's races to his door as soon as he hears the gentle knock he's been waiting all evening for. He braces himself by taking in a deep breath before twisting the handle and smiling at his friend, messy hair covering up his glass eye and purple face mask hiding the lower half of his face. Corpse gives a gentle wave, which prompts Tommy to show off what he's been practicing. He points to Corpse with his only hand, waves it in a circular motion around his face, and points at Corpse again.

_"You look beautiful."_

"So, you've been practicing?" Corpse asks, once his mask is off. "Thank you, by the way."

Tommy nods and sits down on his floor. "A little. It's hard being one handed. I feel like I'll never be able to effectively communicate with you.."

"You're doing perfect, Syk. If I ever end up losing my ability to whisper, you just keep on talking. It makes me feel better."

The older blushes. "Really? I stutter a lot."

"Really. I like the way you talk. So, what do you wanna do first?"

"I have a few ideas. First of all, we need to make black tea and honey. I feel like I haven't had any in years!" Tommy exclaims, fake panting.

Corpse chuckles and says, "Close enough."

"Sorry you have to babysit me, by the way. Leslie and Lily are on a double date with their boyfriends, Michael and Edison. Charlie and Dave are out of town. Rae and Imane are at a concert together. Sean and Felix are still on dorm arrest for slapping each other with pieces of pizza in the mess hall. And, to be honest, I don't know where Jeremy is. We haven't spoken in a few days.."

"I don't mind at all. Everything all right with you and Jer?"

Tommy shrugs. "I don't know. Things between us are.. weird. Dunno. But, they were all prepared to cancel their plans when they found out nobody would be around to watch over me. I would feel terrible if they did that."

"You've got really great friends, Sykkuno."

He nods. "Very much. I'm grateful to have met them. Dave too. He's adorable."

"Right?" Corpse asks, opening Tommy's door for him. "Charlie makes him happy."

Tommy guides Corpse to the lounge and begins searching for a kettle. "Everything seems rather peachy lately. Maybe it's something in the water."

Corpse raises an eyebrow while turning on the tap for him. "The water? Or, maybe it's those newfangled antidepressants you're on?"

"Oh, yeah! Maybe those."

"So, you're doing okay on them?" Corpse asks.

Tommy smiles. "Yeah. Though, it is kind of hard to sleep at night ever since coming back from the hospital."

"Feel that. We can stay up all night if we need to."

"We might need to." Tommy places the kettle on the stove. "Let's play a game while that boils."

The younger tilts his head. "What kind of game?"

Tommy gently shoves him. "This kind. You're it!"

"Hey!"

But, it's too late. Tommy laughs while he speeds on down the hallway, skidding along the smooth flooring as Corpse follows in hot pursuit. He tries to dash into the stairwell, but the door takes too long to squeak open.

"Tag!" Corpse shouts, spinning around on his heels and taking off.

Tommy collects himself and begins chasing him. They weave in and out of the various plants and people in the halls until someone gets in Corpse's way long enough for Tommy to close in on him.

"Tag!"

"Damn you!"

Corpse begins chasing Tommy as the more nimble of the two rounds a corner with dorky elegance. Tommy manages to keep putting space between them until they are finally up on the top floor of the dormitory. Corpse smirks at him as Tommy realizes he's come to a dead end. A feeble attempt at diverting his attention to make a quick escape goes wrong as Tommy crashes directly into a doorframe and falls onto his back, disoriented as hell.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Tommy moans, as he presses his nub to his forehead.

"Sykkuno!" Corpse collapses to the ground next to him and moves his bangs out of the way to examine his bump. "That's gonna leave a mark."

Tommy grins. "Let's play truth or dare now."

"What? Syk, you just bit the dust."

The older points at his bump and instructs, "I dare you to kiss my booboo."

"Are we five?" asks Corpse.

"Sure."

Corpse rolls his eyes and leans over Tommy with glittering eyes focused right on him. Tommy loves those eyes, even if one of them is artificial. Tommy just thinks Corpse is neat. He's really grateful to have such a cool friend. Yeah. Friend. Just friend.

"Fine. Only because it looks painful."

Tommy's eyes cross. "Can't you see how loopy I am?"

"Very funny." Corpse's tender lips caress the mark on Tommy's forehead with such gentleness that Tommy feels like a nebula glowing in space. "All better?"

"All better. Let's go have tea."

Corpse playfully shakes his head while helping Tommy up. He's still not used to only having one hand, so when it comes time to put the tea ingredients together, Corpse acts as his other hand. Together, Tommy and Corpse make perfect cups of steaming black tea with just the right amount of pure honey. As soon as the first drop hits Tommy's tongue, he pictures the person he knew two months ago after talking on the phone with Corpse for the first time. That version of Tommy would have no idea how to appreciate this moment like current Tommy does.

The newest version of Tommy is heavily flawed and even more heavily scarred, but he is aware of a deeper meaning to life than old Tommy could ever begin to acknowledge. Existence is oftentimes bleak and by no means close to perfect, but it doesn't have to be. This right here, drinking tea with someone just as imperfect as Tommy himself is, is worth more than any picturesque life old Tommy could ever have wished to live.

The sound of Tommy's phone ringing startles him away from his thoughts, but what confuses him the most is who's calling. It's Jeremy.

"Hey, pal. What's up?"

"Hey, Kkuno. Do you have any plans for next Saturday night?" Jeremy asks.

Tommy thinks for a second. "No, I'm free. Are we playing Among Us with the gang?"

"I was thinking more of dinner and a movie."

"Oh, that sounds so great! Who all is going?" Tommy questions, smiling at Corpse.

There's a slight pause before Jeremy answers, "Uh, what about just us? Like, a date."

Tommy looks up from his tea and over to a curious looking Corpse, who has no idea what he's talking about on the phone or who with. Tommy has to pause to think for a minute about what this question entails. A date with Jeremy? Is that what he really wants? Sure, he doesn't have any type of romantic relationship with Corpse, but maybe Tommy doesn't want that type of relationship with anybody.. Or, maybe he does want it.. with one of them.

"Yeah, Jer. That sounds great. Next Saturday it is."

And, the decision is final. Jeremy is a much better match for Tommy. He's logical. He's caring. He's honest. He's all around perfect for Tommy. That's what everyone has been saying all along. Maybe Tommy should start listening. Jeremy and Tommy were made for each other. The stars have spoken. This is what Tommy wants. His actions totally aren't being persuaded one way or another by the highly respected opinions of his friends.

Right?

Yeah.

Sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! I woke up sick today, but I still wanted to make sure this chapter got out on time. I hope this one was easier to read than the past ones. There are so many possible outcomes for Sykkuno's story now! How will it end? Stay tuned to find out! Please feel free to leave me a comment. Your comments are my number one source of serotonin right now!!! Keep 'em coming! :D


	6. Every Move You Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sykkuno doesn't know how he became so happy. Is the reason stranger than headspace?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 of 7 is finally out! Is time ever really on our side, though? Enjoy it! :)
> 
> UPDATE: Chapter 7 will be slightly delayed! I've resumed in person learning, and it's going to be a busy week for me as I apply to college and get caught up with my schoolwork. 🖤

Oh, the joys of life. They were _never_ this colorful before. Tommy finds himself laughing much harder nowadays than he ever thought he could. The sun feels so much warmer, even though it's getting colder and colder as the days pass. Tommy rolls his sleeves up whenever he can just to soak the vitamin D into his pale skin. He's never felt so vibrant before.

Of course, there's a little bit of darkness. A good bit of darkness. A man dressed in darkness.

Corpse.

"What about this one?" he asks, turning to Tommy with a purple flower in his hand.

"Oh, that one's really pretty," Tommy gushes, leaning down to sniff it. "What's it called?"

Corpse turns back to the display. "Purple Prince Orienpet Lily. You like it?"

"Very much. It smells great, too."

Tommy watches as Corpse's eyes crinkle, showing that he's smiling under his face mask. Tommy loves seeing that expression. The fact that he can recognize when Corpse is gently smiling, even when his curly hair is covering his eyes, speaks volumes.

"You should wear it behind your ear. I think you'd look nice," Corpse suggests, tenderly moving his bangs out of the way. "May I?"

"Yeah.. Yeah, okay.."

Corpse cups Tommy's chin while threading the stem behind his ear. "Beautiful. I saw you with a lily in your hair once. You looked perfect."

"Hey, I remember that day! That was back when I was still looking for you. Why'd you wait so long to contact me?" Tommy asks.

The younger diverts his gaze. "I was really scared. Painfully scared, actually. Nobody's ever done something like that for me. I didn't wanna ruin what we had. But, in actuality, I destroyed something that we never even got to have."

Tommy tries to smile through the heartache. "We're okay, aren't we?"

"Yeah, Syk," Corpse softly says, defeat in his voice. "We're okay."

"We always will be. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow's.. uh.. something."

Before Corpse can respond, one of the shop's worker comes over and asks them, "Is there anything I can help you boys find?"

"No, I think we've got everything we're looking for."

"Let me ring you up."

Tommy begins to follow her with the flower in his ear and a lavender scented candle in his hand, but before he can make it to the register, Corpse tugs on his sweater. "Hold on. Let me pay for the lily."

"Absolutely not! It's in my ear, isn't it? Pay for your own stuff."

Corpse silently laughs. "Fine. Have it your way."

The two wait in line together and purchase their trinkets before heading back out into the cold. Tommy is in dire need of some tea right now, but he'll wait as long as he has to if it means exploring more of the city with Corpse. They get along so well, and Tommy really does consider Corpse his best friend. Being with him makes Tommy feel like he's breathing underwater without a care in the world. It's gorgeous.

"Hey Corpse?" Tommy asks, as they amble along the town square. "I, uh.. just wanted to let you know that I have a date with Jeremy.. tomorrow."

There's a slight pause. "Oh, really? Kkuno, that's so amazing. I'm really happy for you."

"You are? Thank you, Corpse. Really, thank you so much. Your support is all I want."

"Well, you'll always have it. No matter what you do. No matter how you feel. Understand?"

Tommy nods and abruptly turns to tuck himself into Corpse's arms. "I do. Promise."

And with that, they're off again. Everything is fine. Maybe it always will be.

~

**Saturday**

Tommy gets easily frustrated with himself nowadays. He's still not used to only having one hand, his nondominant hand, so there are plenty of things he's constantly trying to do but failing miserably at. As Tommy goes to open the restaurant door for his date, his nub collides with the handle. All he gets is a hefty jolt of pain and a still closed door. Nice.

"Let me get that, Tom-Tom. You're gonna end the night with a bruise on your wrist if you keep trying to do that," scolds Jeremy, grabbing the handle.

"Force of habit. I feel so clunky."

Jeremy takes hold of Tommy's actual hand. "You're no such thing. Just a bit of a clutz."

"You don't say?"

They giggle at each other as Tommy squeezes Jeremy's hand for comfort. "Are you enjoying yourself so far?"

"Well, considering I have very little to go off of, I think you're a great driver," Tommy says, grinning at Jeremy with a cheesy smirk.

"I'm flattered, seriously."

Tommy zones out as a server walks them to their table. Jeremy pushes in Tommy's seat for him like the gentleman that he is. He can't help but blush at the kind act. Tommy's never been on a date, and though he's extremely nervous, he's also excited to see where this might go. He hasn't talked to Corpse today, but maybe that's for the best. Tommy went to Lily for advice on prepping for his first date. She helped pick out his outfit and lace his boots for him. Lily looked like a proud mother on her son's first day of preschool.

"Hey Corpse, do you think-" Tommy stops midsentence and starts having a violent coughing fit to cover up his bullshit. "Sorry, Jer. I.. I didn't mean.."

Jeremy waves his words away. "Don't worry, Syk. What were you going to ask?"

"I don't remember now."

Tommy buries his face in the dinner menu to hide the anguish he's feeling for himself. When the server strolls by to take their drink orders, Tommy just barely peeks his eyes over the top of the menu for a split second to point at lemonade on the drink ticket. The man nods at him, but Jeremy has to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

"You're so awkward, Syk. This really isn't your scene, is it?" Jeremy questions, reaching across the table to pull the menu away from his face.

"What, you don't think my scene is at a fancy restaurant with a very pretty man as my date?" he retaliates.

Jeremy's expression changes. "You think I'm pretty?"

"Yup, you're right. This isn't my scene at all. Can we go get milkshakes?"

The more orderly of the two cannot contain himself now as he bursts out laughing and garners much attention from the other diners. Tommy covers up his smile while Jeremy has a stroke in front of him. This must be going well, right?

"Of course, Syk. Let's go get milkshakes. Fuck normality. There's _nothing_ normal about you, kid."

Tommy and Jeremy stand up, lock hands, and begin racing for the exit like two children. Tommy is laughing like mad now as they get caught up in the breeze together, feeling nothing but euphoria for this crazy life they are living together. Jeremy is the first to stop howling. His dark eyes train directly onto Tommy's windswept hair and crooked smile. The hellish flow of time comes to an abrupt halt in the hazy air around them, confining them to their own bubble of universe. This is one of those special moments, right? It must be. It _has_ to be.

Jeremy's fingertips touch against Tommy's exposed collarbones before climbing up the base of his neck and settling at the back of his head. Tommy's skin covers in goosebumps as his breath hitches. Everything he's ever desired in life is right in front of him – a friend, a partner, a lover. He didn't look deep enough into their first intimate interaction to get a grip on his true feelings. Tommy has to find out. He has to discover what he really wants. There is only one way to know.

Those darkest of sky eyes that Tommy has close so delicately as Jeremy's tender lips touch against his own in a perfect pucker, like the last two pieces of a puzzle interlocking and creating the true picture of what Tommy's been longing to form this entire time. He's not the same Tommy he was two months ago or last month.. or even yesterday.

Tommy finally knows _exactly_ what he wants.

~

"Strawberry is clearly the best flavor!" Jeremy exclaims, leading Tommy inside the ice cream shop. "How on earth could you pick anything else?"

Tommy giggles. "I'm telling you, vanilla with blue food coloring is the best. I always made my mom order it for me when I was little because I was so shy. Swear, it tastes better blue."

"You're off the rails. Go sit down while I order you a bland, blue milkshake."

He scans the parlor for a free place to sit, but before Tommy can complete a full turn around the room, his eyes are landing on two of his closest friends. "Rae! Imane! What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh, hey, lover boy! I thought you and Toasty were doing dinner and a movie?" asks Imane, patting the seat next to her.

"Wait, let me guess. It wasn't your scene, was it?" Rae questions.

Tommy shakes his head. "No. I just want some ice cream."

"Us too. How's it going, by the way? Are you in love yet?" Imane elbows him sweetly. "Have you kissed?"

"He's charming. And, yes."

Both of the girls squeal as Jeremy descends upon them with a two drinks. "What are the odds? How're my favorite gays doing?" he asks, slipping in next to Rae.

"We're great. You gays?" Rae laughs.

Jeremy bobs his eyebrows up and down. "We are too."

Tommy blushes and adds, "Better now that I've got a blue milkshake."

"Ew, Sykkuno! What flavor is that?" Rae questions.

"Just vanilla. I'm not weird!"

Rae and Imane share a look before Jeremy says, "Sure, Syk. Not weird at all. Wanna tell them how you ordered a drink at the restaurant?"

"Not particularly, no."

They all four giggle as they sip on their sweet drinks and relish in the haven of friendship and love in the atmosphere tonight. Tommy is grateful for the other faces around the table. They all make him feel at home and cherished more than he ever has before. He still is absolutely sure of exactly what he wants. Tommy has a clear grasp on what he desires most right now. As he acquires an aching brain freeze from sipping while deep in thought, Tommy knows it's a sign.

"Well, hey, we better get going. Imane and I are _actually_ gonna go catch a flick, unlike you flakes. What's next on your guys' agenda?" Rae questions, as she and Imane rise from the table.

Jeremy and Tommy look at each other for confirmation. Honestly, now that their plans have turned into something totally different, Tommy doesn't know what's next.

"We could go back to my dorm and.. do something there?" suggests Jeremy.

Both girls let out an ooh before Tommy answers, "Yeah, sure. Sounds great. Let's go. Yeah. Cool."

Tommy taps his five remaining fingers on the wooden table and bites down on his bottom lip. There are only so many things that going back to one's place means. Either they're about to get into a heated game of Dungeons & Dragons.. or something more serious is going to happen. Who knows? Not Tommy!

~

Tommy's significantly worsened at Mario Kart ever since losing his hand, for good reason, _yes,_ but he still wants to beat Jeremy. It's a trivial goal considering Jeremy is trying to make it fair by only playing with one hand as well, but somehow, Tommy is still losing.. rather miserably. He's laughing and smiling harder than he ever knew he could, though.

"Stop winning!" he exclaims, splaying out on Jeremy's lap after his fifth consecutive loss.

"Stop being such shit at the game, then."

Tommy playfully sticks his tongue out. "Oh, god. It's three in the morning."

"We've been playing for that long? Wow. Do you wanna switch to a new game?" Jeremy asks.

"I think I should be getting some sleep, Jer." Tommy interlaces their fingers. "But, thank you. This was.. a lot of fun."

Jeremy nods. "It really was. Do you want me to walk you to your dormitory?"

"That's okay. I know the way."

They share a little grin before Jeremy says, "You got me there. Kiss goodnight?"

Tommy leans in for a hastened peck, not bothering to relish in the moment. "See you Monday?"

"Yeah. Monday. I hope we do this again."

"We will. Just.. maybe in a different context. Bye, Jer."

Tommy pulls the sleeves to his sweater down to keep himself warm on the chilly morning stroll. He wants to soak in the dew without any restrictions. Tommy, even though he's greatly tired and a little weary from hours of social interaction, still knows exactly what he wants. Sure, it would make so much more sense to wait it out, to sleep on his feelings, to emotionally process what he desires on a cosmic level. But, headspace isn't lying to him. Tommy knows now.

In a quick fashion, Tommy spins around on his heels and stops ambling towards dormitory three. Instead, he begins speed walking, then jogging, running.. _sprinting_ towards dormitory one. Time has never and will never be on his side, but if he can take control of it tonight, Tommy might finally have a hand in crafting his beautiful fate. He doesn't stop running until he's right outside of the room he knows he belongs in, pounding with his only fist.

"Tommy? What's going on?" Corpse questions, as soon as he opens his door.

Tommy takes a moment to catch his breath while taking in the sight of Corpse in his purple stained white tee and boxer briefs. His mask is gone. His hair is messy. His right eye socket is glistening with pinkness. That's Corpse. That's _him._

"You're the one," huffs Tommy, taking in as much oxygen as he can. "It's always been you."

"What? I'm confused. How was your date with Jeremy?"

The older steadies himself by placing his hand on Corpse's shoulder and taking in some of that precious body heat. "I love you."

"Tommy.. Think about what you're saying.."

"I have. A lot. You were the one that tried for me." Tommy begins backing Corpse into his dorm room. "You were the one that I spent a week so desperately trying to find." He slams the door shut behind them. "You were the one that I went feral over out of desperation because I'd never felt so sure about anyone in my entire life." Tommy touches his fingertips to Corpse's chest. "And, you were the one that was with me during the entire three weeks I was asleep. It was you. You told Jeremy that you loved me. You even wrote it on that card you sent with those flowers and the bracelet that never leaves my wrist. I can ignore it for the rest of my life, or I can be honest with myself. Honesty wins, Corpse. I'm in love with you."

Corpse's odd lips curl into a smile as the left half of his face shimmers with teardrops. Tommy doesn't hide his prominent grin for once, even though he's incredibly embarrassed of it. The clarity he has gained ever since his suicide attempt is truly limitless, and it's all led right back to this precious breath in the grand scheme of pain and love and wonder and.. Corpse.

"You really want this?" Corpse softly asks.

Tommy nods. "I want you. I know it for sure."

"Fuck, I could kiss you right about now."

"Don't just say it. Do it!"

Corpse wraps one arm around Tommy's back, pulling their chests together in a fluid motion. Tommy's breath hitches in his lungs as he eyes the man he loves. Unable to help himself, he dives in and caresses Corpse's mouth with his unexperienced lips that have only kissed one person a few times.. one person that, while Tommy adores, he does not love. The fireworks that set off into the night sky at this one simple, gentle, loving motion is enough to cause every volcano on earth to erupt at once as the tectonic plates shift. The world shakes with relief and angst as Tommy presses himself further into Corpse's arms and tangles his fingers into the back of his favorite curls ever. Something is happening.

Tommy's fingers reach for the hem of Corpse's shirt and begin to tug it over his head. He touches every bit of scar tissue he can as Corpse's tongue greets his teeth, trying to access the rest of his mouth. Tommy perks up and nearly falls apart as those strong hands run all over his body and lift his sweater off. They move further into Corpse's room as the younger begins fiddling with the zipper on Tommy's jeans. Tommy smiles into their kiss as they fall onto the bed together.

"Are you okay with this?" Corpse asks, breathlessly.

Tommy nods, his hand cupping Corpse's face. "Yes."

With confirmation verbally hanging in the air around them, more clothes hit the floor next to Corpse's bed as their kiss deepens. Fingertips collide with sensitive areas, and teeth nip at tender skin. Tommy's eyes open just in time to see the shattered glass and glitter he became so accustomed to in headspace. Their legs lock together so uniformly that Tommy is unsure how he's ever been able to go this long without touching his Corpse. Everything is perfect.

Time doesn't exist here.

~

**Sunday**

The world seems to glow during the most valuable moments. Tommy's entire body is sparkling in the midmorning sun shining in from the window. The bruise like patches on every inch of him make him feel so special. Some are shaped like fingertips. Others are teeth prints. He wants to caress them all he lies there, naked in the messy bedsheets. He's still caught in a euphoric haze.

Corpse has been sweetly, slowly.. gently kissing his neck for.. how long now? Five minutes? Ten? Twenty? An hour? Two hours? All night? Tommy isn't sure. All he knows is that he feels so good. Corpse's lips have rubbed him raw, but Tommy couldn't care less. He likes it this way. He wants to stay forever. It feels like magic.

Tommy's arms instinctively squeeze Corpse's abdomen harder when he feels those damn teeth. His flesh must be so inflamed by now. Corpse picks his head of messy hair up from Tommy's neck upon hearing a slight whimper. His lips are so red, swollen, and wet. He looks wildly angelic in this bright haven of love they've been swaddled in for hours on end.

"Are you okay?" Corpse asks, his voice gruffer than usual.

Tommy nods. "More than okay. I've never been better, actually."

"So, it was good for you?"

"Good? Corpse, that's putting it extremely lightly. I've never felt like this.. Have you done that before?"

Corpse smirks. "Maybe a few times. Did you know some people have a burn victim kink?"

"I regret asking. Never ever tell me more of that story. Just know that I love you," he gushes.

"I love you too. I love you.. more."

The older scrunches up his nose and gives Corpse a soft kiss. "Are we gonna be one of those couples that say 'I love you' every six seconds? I'm not opposed, by the way."

"Couple?" Corpse questions, bobbing his eyebrows. "When did we have this discussion?"

Tommy's eyes widen. "I.. uh.. We.. You.. um.."

"Shh, I'm kidding. Yeah, we'll be one of those couples. I love you."

"Thank god. I love you too. Should we get out of bed yet?"

Tommy twists a curl around his finger. "Maybe. I need to call my mom."

"What are you gonna tell her?" asks Corpse.

He has to think for a second. "That I'm adjusting well to my meds. And, that my tutor is helping me catch up in all of my classes."

"Anything else?"

"Your name may come up. Is that okay with you?"

Corpse carefully places a kiss on Tommy's forehead before saying, "Yes. It's perfect with me, Syk. Call me later?"

"Definitely."

Tommy stands up while his hand is still connected to Corpse's and only lets go when he absolutely has to. Corpse lies on the bed, stomach down, while watching Tommy dress himself in last night's clothing. Tommy pats down his messy hair before tracing his fingers over Corpse's spine so that he can have one last taste of his lover before leaving him for the day. He would stay with him forever if he could, but Tommy knows he'll have plenty of opportunities to sleep in Corpse's arms as his neck is softly made out with. Tommy will keep this memory with him forever.

Once his clothes are back on, Tommy gently waves goodbye and leaves dormitory one. The weather is precious today. He loves autumn, especially now that Tommy can find it within himself to appreciate the world around him. Everything is changing, and Tommy is perfectly fine with it. His life feels like a dream. Tommy doesn't want to hurt himself anymore.

"Hey, you!" a voice calls.

Tommy turns around to see Sean and Felix coming towards him. "Are you guys off dorm arrest? That's great! How's it going?"

They pull him into a hug as Sean says, "Yeah, at last. How was your date with Jeremy?"

"Oh, it was really nice. Yeah."

Felix eyes him. "You look.. disheveled. Kkuno, are those _last night's_ clothes?!"

Tommy wildly blushes. "I never said that."

"So, they are?" Sean asks, gasping. "You had sex with Jeremy!"

"No, no! I didn't!"

Felix guffaws. "Sure. Explain those marks all over your neck."

"Well, I.. uh.. I kinda.. I.. I slept with Corpse. Maybe."

Both Sean and Felix stare at Tommy with absolute bewilderment, seemingly unable to fully process what he's just told them. Tommy looks back and forth between both pairs of blue eyes in front of him, but they don't even blink. He waves his hand in front of their faces, though it does little to knock them back into reality. Finally, Sean seems to put words and meaning together while Felix stares into the great unknown like he's watching his life flash before his eyes.

"Wait. You.. and _Corpse?_ I thought he was yesterday's news? What about team Toast?" questions Sean, still a little googly eyed.

"I thought that maybe you guys were right about Jeremy. Maybe he was the perfect match for me. And, hell, that could be true! But, I don't care. I love Corpse. I really love him."

Felix makes a gurgling sound, clearly incapacitated, possibly even on death's door, when Sean smacks him across the face. "YOU DID WHAT WITH CORPSE?!"

"Shh! Everyone will hear you," Tommy scolds, looking around the courtyard to make sure no one is listening in. "I went to his dorm really early this morning after my date with Jeremy finished and may or may not have confessed my love for Corpse before undressing each other and then.. ya know.. doing stuff."

Sean takes a deep breath. "Well, congrats on losing your virginity. How was it?"

Tommy wildly blushes. "I would rather keep that fact to himself."

"Look at that face, Sean. He's clearly just had the ride of his life. Literally."

"All right! Well, this was fun. Bye now," Tommy huffs, beginning to head off again.

Sean grabs his shoulder and says, "Hey, we're sorry. We won't make you talk about it. We're just really surprised."

"Yeah, Kkuno. We were actually about to go get coffee. Wanna come?"

Part of Tommy wants to stay a hermit and go back to his dorm, but the other half wouldn't mind putting some caffeine into his body and hearing the weekly gossip coming in from other students on campus. A little social interaction couldn't kill him. Maybe.

"Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. Let's go."

Felix and Sean smile at him and wrap one arm each around him as they head off in pursuit of coffee. Tommy feels amazing.

~

**1 month later**

"I just saw Pichu vent! She popped up next to me and Critical!" accuses Rae.

"Absolutely not. Rae's just throwing blame because I saw her kill Fuslie!" Lily retaliates.

"Guys, guys. I think we can settle this. I'm the imposter," says Sykkuno.

"SHUT UP, KKUNO! IT'S LILY."

"Crit, can you confirm?" Sean asks.

"I was on logs. I have no idea."

"Wait, I just saw Pichu in med bay. Where'd you see her, Rae?" Jeremy questions.

"Coms. She definitely vented. You've gotta believe me, Toast."

"That's proof enough for me," adds Dave.

"SPEED RUN!"

Tommy covers his mouth to giggle at Felix's intensity. They simultaneously vote Lily out as she shrieks in protest. Charlie's convincing act as the log goblin ends up in him scoring the win after Lily is out. Every crewmate cheers him on as he rakes in another win for the Moist Game Night books.

"This was fun. I've really gotta get going, though. You guys have a good night," Tommy sweetly says.

"Already, Syk?" asks Imane.

Corpse gently leans into Tommy's microphone. "Yes. We have plans."

"You heard the man," affirms Tommy, smiling. "Update me on how many more times Charlie wins later, okay?"

Charlie laughs. "Of course, we will. You too lovebirds have a good time."

"Where are you going?" Felix questions.

"I don't know. It's a surprise," Tommy answers, eyeing his boyfriend.

Rae oohs and ahs. "Fancy. Well, hope you enjoy. Night night, fellas!"

"Bye," Corpse and Tommy say together.

Corpse interlaces his fingers with Tommy's and pulls him from his desk chair. Tommy smiles into their shared kiss as Corpse spins him around and around and around.

"Someone's in a good mood!" Tommy exclaims.

Corpse nods. "I'm very excited. Are you up for a bit of a walk?"

"Yes, but you'll have to keep me warm. Are you up for that?"

"That shouldn't even be a question. Hey, you should wear that green striped scarf. It would look really cute on you."

Tommy raises one eyebrow while lifting the scarf in question from his coatrack. "Think so? I trust you."

The younger delicately ties it around Tommy's neck. "Very much. You look beautiful."

"You too. I see you redid your nails," comments Tommy, touching the smooth polish. "Could you do mine sometime? I'd do my own, but.. uh.. ya know.."

Corpse kisses Tommy's hand and replies, "Absolutely. We can match. Maybe I'll finally turn you into a goth baddy."

"Yeah, that's a stretch. Are you forgetting I'm wearing an oversized hoodie that is the color every twenty-two year old mother dresses their first daughter in?"

"Hey, I like the powder pink with the green."

Tommy taps Corpse's nose before the younger straps his mask on. "Good. I like it too."

They interlock hands as they walk out into the dark night. Tommy's rather glad that Corpse mentioned he wear a scarf, for it's ninth circle of hell cold out here. Christmas lights are already strung up all over campus, including a few fake snowmen and wreaths. Tommy won't be spending Christmas break with his boyfriend, which is most heartbreaking, but at least he knows he'll have something beautiful to come back to once January comes around. He is content with that knowledge.

"So, why are you leading me into the woods? Are you going to kill me?" Tommy asks, as they step into the tree line.

Corpse playfully nudges him. "Yeah. This was my plan all along. Seduce you and then murder you so that I can wear your skin."

"Graphic! We both have messed up skin. Might as well keep your own."

"Fair. I just _really_ love yours."

Tommy laughs. "Valid point. I love yours too."

The air becomes colder and colder as they descend into the wilderness. Tommy squints at what he thinks is light coming from deeper in the foliage, but he is rather unsure. Maybe some hunters are shining their flashlight at him and Corpse, thinking that they are prey.

"Any guesses yet?"

Tommy shakes his head. "I still think it's murder."

Corpse moves the branches out of the way as the lights become brighter and much more colorful than Tommy originally thought. At last, they break out of the trees and find themselves in a clearing, completely and totally decked out with Christmas lights, tree ornaments, gift boxes, and blankets that line the cold grass.

"How about now?"

"Corpse, what? Did you do all this?" Tommy asks, taking in the sight with his mouth dangling wide open. "Who is this for?"

Corpse chuckles and throws his hands in the air. "You, dummy! It's taken me a few days, but I was hoping we could celebrate Christmas together.. a little early."

"You're psychotic."

"Yeah."

Tommy throws himself into Corpse's grip. "And, I love you for it. I can't believe you."

"Believe it, Syk. I did this all for us. For.. you."

The older has to wipe his eyes as he slowly starts easing into the haven Corpse put together for him. A gesture like this is something that only happens in books and movies. Tommy never imagined a reality in which he, a mentally ill, self-hating, friendless, shy, dorky, wannabe, nobody could have someone like Corpse. Corpse must be his soulmate.

"Words cannot describe how I'm feeling right now.." he squeaks.

Corpse grabs his waist from behind. "Try."

The tears are coming faster now, and Tommy doesn't even try to stop them. "Cosmic. Ethereal. Loved so much. How did we even get here?"

"Space and time. The stars aligned. Two worlds collided. Sometimes, when you want something so much, you can manifest it into reality. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Tommy turns around to face Corpse. "Time has never done right by me. Are you saying I created this?"

"Something like that. The human mind is so powerful, is it not? Sure, we can spend forever floating around in our headspace and admiring the glass and glitter, but why not create a story? A story for your subconscious to survive off while your body dies."

"How.. how did you know about headspace? The glass and glitter?"

Corpse removes his mask to reveal a sad smile and his left cheek stained in tears. "We're still there."

Tommy looks back at his Christmas wonderland. The lights sparkling everywhere begin to close in on him, revealing their true form. He dreamed of them so long ago. Or, was it so long ago? Time is evil sometimes, and maybe it never really has given Tommy a break throughout all of this chaos. He's so unbelievably fucking happy, but how?

How did he get here?

Well, it's simple, really.

Tommy created this.

"Corpse.. You know I love you, right?" Tommy asks.

"I know it. I know it so much. I love you too, Sykkuno. I love you, Tommy."

They grip onto one another as the shattered glass reflecting every color imaginable and unimaginable surrounds them while they melt onto the blankets and suffer the fate of reality. The mind is powerful, yes, but it can only shelter one's spirit for so long until there is nowhere left to hide.

"What's gonna happen to us?"

Corpse wipes the tears away from Tommy's cheeks as they fall harder and faster, catching fire like shooting stars in the most pitch black sky ever painted around the earth. Tommy can see everything and feel it all even more. This is everything he's ever wanted, and even if Tommy didn't actually get it, in a way.. he _did._

"We'll always exist here," Corpse gently says, though Tommy can no longer feel his arms tightly wrapped around his body.

Oh, how it's so beautiful here.. in headspace.

_Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will any of these chapters ever end without a cliff hanger? Well, 7 will! I'm unsure of how long 7 will be in relation to chapters 2-6, but I'm excited to see how this ends. Do you think you know what just happened? Find out in the LAST ever installment of "Every Breath You Take", coming out in a few days. Please drop a comment if this chapter made you happy or sad or angry or.. anything else! Your comments are my reason for breathing. <3


	7. I'll Be Watchin' You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Luca. May you always shine. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie! So sorry for the extreme delay, but here we are! Chapter 7, the final installment of "Every Breath You Take", is HERE! Thank you dearly to everyone that's sent me fanart! Enjoy it, lovelies. :)
> 
> (DISCLAIMER: Please read the tags and archive warning before going any further. I'm sorry if you're unhappy with the ending, but this is how I wrote it, and I'm not changing it. :] !!)

**Corpse's POV**

The richness of summer eludes to a few months of freedom from expectations, responsibilities, and life in general. The bittersweet ending to Corpse's first ever year of college has left him feeling a bit satisfied in the universe of hardship that he's begun to calcify in. Somehow, through trial and tribulation, Corpse has done it. But, he's not done it alone.

Corpse walks across the mess hall with a metallic tray clutched between his veiny hands. Everyone around him partakes in their last lunch of the year chatter, not paying him any lick of their attention. That's how he likes it. Even without his mask on, which he gave up at the end of last year, Corpse isn't stared at or treated differently. Showing the classmates that were convinced he was a mute freak that Corpse could actually talk has been fun as well. Now that he's older, more people find it interesting rather than scary.

"Hey, Corpse! How was your last bio class?" Sean asks, as Corpse sits down next to him.

Corpse tears right into his milk carton while answering, "Uneventful. I didn't kill anybody, so that's always a plus."

"Good job," adds Charlie, shoving a fistful of grapes into his mouth. "Miss Lades finally let me participate in one of her improv sessions."

"I thought you were banned after the goatse incident?" questions Imane.

Charlie nods. "I was. But, everyone agreed that theater class was so much more boring without my acting skills. It was an end of the year treat. Until next year, I suppose."

"Are you all sticking to this campus?" asks Rae, slipping an arm around her girlfriend.

Felix is the first to shake his head. "Nah, I'm going back to Sweden to pursue my baccalaureate degree."

Lily frowns. "Hey, I'm leaving too. Michael and I are done with this learning shit. We're gonna travel for awhile with our streaming money."

"Damn, is everyone going? I am too! I'm studying abroad for the next two years," Jeremy adds.

Dave shakes his head. "I can't leave Charlie. England can wait for me."

"Edison and I are done," Leslie says, stealing one of Charlie's grapes. "What about you, Corpse?"

They all look to him. "Uh, well.. I think I'm sticking around here too. So, it'll just be Rae, Imane, Charlie, Dave, Sean, and me?"

Sean nervously smiles. "Actually, no. Not me. Since Felix is heading home to Sweden, I'm packing up and getting back to Ireland. I don't think the US is really my thing."

"Damn. I'm gonna miss you all.." Corpse sighs, trying to grin. "At least we'll still have Among Us."

"True shit. I will miss eating lunch with you goobers, though," admits Charlie.

Jeremy nods in agreeance. "Me too. We haven't really talked about tomorrow.."

"I'm not sure any of us want to," pouts Rae.

The mood in their little corner, the corner that Sykkuno picked out for himself so long ago, shifts from end of the year jitters to deep rooted sorrow. The last several months Corpse has spent with his friends have been great, yeah, but there's something.. _someone.._ missing from their dynamic. The wholesome, sweet, gentle, shy, and loveable Sykkuno.

"Is anyone going to visit him tonight?" Imane questions, daring to speak first.

"I am. I.. I just need to say goodbye, ya know? To tell him everything I never could to his face," says Corpse.

All of the saddened friends softly gaze at Corpse. He looks down at the limp salad on his tray to avoid their eyes, no matter how much good intention is packed behind them. Corpse doesn't want to be pitied, for it's not like he's the one losing his life. No, just an integral part of his very core will be floating away from this plane of existence. Nothing big.

"We'll play Among Us tonight and detox, okay? And, we'll do it again tomorrow too. Since this is our last week together in the history of ever, we don't deserve to feel nothing but pain. We deserve to feel true happiness!" states Leslie, placing her hands on the table. "Kkuno wouldn't want us to sulk for as long as we ultimately will. We have to be there for each other."

"She's right," speaks Sean, glancing at all of the friends. "This is going to be the hardest week of our lives, but we can't let it control us. We'll party in Syk's honor.. via the interweb."

Felix smirks. "One final speed run?"

"One final speed run," Charlie reiterates, looking up at the ceiling. "For our kid going home tomorrow."

And, though Corpse is greatly heartbroken beneath the layers of black clothing he's adorning on this sunny day in early summer, he can't help but to form a tiny grin. This situation doesn't have to be as achingly painful as it seems destined to be. Corpse has great friends, and he's formed lifelong bonds in the wake of so much fucking misery. There is something worth celebrating amongst the debris of heart strings. And, god damnit, they will!

~

Corpse has walked these white halls of death a million and one times by now. He knows them like the back of his hands and could navigate this place with his eyes closed if he had to. Surely, that has to mean something, right? Maybe not something good, but it _is_ something, nevertheless.

"Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?" Corpse softly asks, as he notices Sykkuno's mother next to his bed.

She shakes her head. "No, come in. I was to be going anyways. Uh, did I ever catch your name?"

Corpse accepts the hand she extends. "They call me Corpse. That's all Tommy ever knew me as."

"Well, Corpse, thank you. Thank you for being there for my son before his.. his final days. You know, he always found it so hard to connect with kids when he was younger. That boy was always just.. on his own plane of reality, and I rather admired him for it. I never realized how much being so.. so different could hurt him. I wish I could have seen the signs.."

"Ma'am, with all due respect, Tommy didn't want anyone to see. That's just.. how he is. He means a lot to me," says Corpse.

The woman smiles kindly with tears in her eyes. "Take all the time you need. I have to make some arrangements. I'll be back in the morning, okay? If you plan to stay here again, I'll see you then."

"Actually, I'm not tonight. I just wanna say goodbye."

She nods, understandingly. "Enjoy your time with him. Relish in his warmth. He'll never have it again."

The lump in Corpse's throat only grows as she quietly leaves him alone with the unconscious deity that's been lying so still for so fucking long. As Sykkuno's wounds heal and hair grows, it would seem as though he'd be waking up any minute now. But, the various instruments stuck in his arms and tubes shoved up his nose and down his throat say otherwise. Corpse hasn't seen those kind eyes in so long. Still, even after six months, Sykkuno's hand is still warm.

"What do you think about in your head, Syk? Anything of significance?" Corpse questions, parting those overgrown bangs. "Probably not. Do you even think?"

Corpse kneels down next to him, not even registering the sound of his oxygen mask, heartrate monitor, or any other pump or gadget. He runs his thumb over the white heart of the bracelet that hasn't left Sykkuno's wrist in months. Can Sykkuno feel Corpse with him via that damned bracelet? Has it done anything at all to comfort either of them?

"Please, Tommy. Give me a fucking sign. I can't take it anymore. I just need to know if any of you is left. I want to know that there's a chance you'll open those eyes and look at me for the first time. I want you to know that I really love you, Tom-Tom. I need you to hear me say it."

Corpse's whole body shakes as tears begin to fall from his only eye. The empty socket aches with so much pressure that Corpse longs to let out and soak the earth with. It's almost too much to take. He's stayed here so many days and nights, talking to Sykkuno, reading to him, eating next to him, brushing his teeth, tying his shoes, holding that goddamn hand that never holds him back. Corpse hates leaving Sykkuno alone just in case that boy is sentient _somewhere._

"I know the chance of you waking up is slim to nothing, but if you have it in you to open your eyes within the next twelve hours, please.. please fucking do it. Don't leave me, Sykkuno. I have so much to share with you and show you. We can drink black tea with honey every morning and night if that makes you even the least bit happy. Can you hear me, Tommy? Please.. something.. anything! I'm begging you. I'm _begging._ Come back to me, and I'll never fucking leave you again."

Sykkuno's only hand stays limp in Corpse's grip, causing his body to convulse with even more, painful force. His hot tears fall directly onto Sykkuno's arm, covered in dull scars from years of abuse. Corpse wants to kiss each and every one of them to show Sykkuno that he has so much beauty within those marks. Corpse wants to appreciate Sykkuno for the rest of both of their lives. He can't let go now. It's not Sykkuno's time. Right?

"Stay with me, Tommy.." Corpse's forehead presses against the back of Sykkuno's hand. "You won't regret it. I promise you."

Corpse wipes his tears and snot on the sleeve of his hoodie as he clears his throat and stands. Sykkuno remains still and distant, almost as if he is lightyears away from Corpse, even though he's right _there._ Corpse doesn't want to say goodbye. Not now, not ever. Temporary goodbyes are meaningless if, deep down, one knows that they're never coming back.

"I love you, Syk. Always know that, okay? I love you."

With nothing else to say to the man Corpse loves, he carefully leans in to place a fragile kiss to Sykkuno's forehead of glass. Corpse carefully removes the beaded bracelet from Sykkuno's wrist and slips it on his own, feeling immense sickness and even more love at how warm the bracelet is. His heart still pumps, for today. Sykkuno's veins are filled with red blood as his lungs intake oxygen. For this moment in time, Sykkuno is alive, and Corpse is alive with him.

Some things, no matter how fucking hurtful, are still profound.

This is one of those things.

~

Corpse's hands are rather delicate. They may not look gentle, but he's learned a thing or two from a certain special person's precious demeanor. Corpse used to imagine how carefully he'd hold Sykkuno if they ever got to actually meet. He wouldn't let the precious boy of glass slip from his clunky hands. Now, they don't hastily grip just anything with force. Corpse couldn't crush an ant if he tried.

So, as Corpse quietly ambles from display to display, smelling flowerings and sweetly caressing the silky petals, he tries to put himself in Sykkuno's shoes. Which ones would he like the most? The orange tulips were a grand gesture, but this upcoming ceremony feels so much more intimate. Something tells Corpse he should purchase flowers that are a little less fancy.. a callback to Corpse's cowardice.

Lilies.

When Corpse's gaze catches on the deepest of purple lilies, he feels it within himself that Sykkuno would like them the most. He gathers up the flowers with the biggest bulbs and softest petals, taking in the gorgeous scent and imagining one of them behind Sykkuno's ear. Perhaps his cheeks would tint with rouge as Corpse would notice an eyelash on his cheek. Corpse would tenderly wipe it from his face. Sykkuno would close his eyes while blowing it away. Corpse would ask, "What did you wish for?" And maybe, just maybe, Sykkuno would say, "You."

He has to force himself out of his fantasy to keep himself from welling up in the middle of the shop. With the lilies in his hands, Corpse solemnly brings them up to counter. The woman manning the cash register smiles at him as he clears his painful throat.

"Can you wrap these for me? And, maybe put some ribbon around the stems?" he asks.

She nods. "Yeah, of course. Would you like to buy anything else?"

Corpse has to think for a moment as he impulsively grabs for a lavender scented candle and sets it on the counter in front of him. "This too."

Because, for some reason, Corpse imagines Sykkuno's favorite scent his lavender. Huh. Did Sykkuno ever tell him that? Corpse can't remember. His memory has always been less than average, even bad sometimes, but he's been desperately trying to hold onto the memories he made with Sykkuno: long hours sharing every last detail of their sheltered lives and playing games late into the night. Corpse dreams of Sykkuno every time he manages a wink of sleep, which is very seldom. Memories have mixed with dreams. Dreams are fleeting. Corpse just wants to keep the precious boy in his eyes.. forever.

Corpse clutches the carefully wrapped lilies in sky blue paper with puffy clouds printed across the tissue and steps out into the summer evening. The breeze feels rather comforting, almost like a kiss from God surrounding his body and trying to give him some sort of hope. He's never felt more alive in his entire existence than these past six months, watching Sykkuno decay in his hospital bed. Corpse feels immeasurable purpose in living for the one that deserves it the most.

Why won't he just wake up?

The sky of golden orange and candy pink watches Corpse walk through the emerald grass as his eyes focus in on the red sun setting along the horizon. It's so fucking big and beautiful right now, so much so, in fact, that Corpse feels it necessary to stare for as long as he can, to take a picture of the scene before him and find it within himself to _remember._

Corpse feels his hands caress the cool grass as he lies down in the evening sun. Everything feels so special right now. The bugs crawling around him, the birds flying high in the sky, the scent of lilies that the breeze carries, the fucking _sun.._ He's so in love with it all. Before meeting Sykkuno, Corpse never thought about these things. Now, it's all he thinks about. If only Sykkuno was with him right now. If only Sykkuno could know what he's done for a hopeless motherfucker like Corpse. He's breathed so much life into a dead body, and for that, Corpse can never repay him.

Corpse's eyes shut as he pictures himself falling, falling, falling. When they reopen, he's still in the cool grass. The sky is still warm and glittery. The only thing that's different now is the person beside him. That smile. Those dark bangs. Eyes of purity.

"Hey," Corpse softly says.

"Hi."

He smiles. "Is this real?"

"We're real," murmurs Sykkuno.

Corpse cups Sykkuno's supple cheek. "Stay with me."

Sykkuno winks. "I love you."

"Do you?"

"I do."

The sun feels so good right now. Sykkuno is right there, and Corpse can feel the blood pumping in his soft cheeky. He smells like lavender and honey, confirming everything Corpse has ever thought. Corpse has only know the scent of hospital antiseptic on his frail skin, but this? Yeah. _This_ is Sykkuno. Corpse is so fucking in love with him.

Sykkuno's eyes close as Corpse's euphoria heightens. All he longs for, a simple kiss, is right there. They both lean in as Corpse internally begs for a taste of his precious Sykkuno. This pain hurts so good, and Corpse will keep it within him forever. The warmth of lips to lips guides Corpse into a whole new reality, a reality that he's never seen before. Just as Sykkuno is about to kiss back, Corpse's eyes open for real this time.

Corpse's phone buzzes from his pocket as he frantically reaches for it, his heart pounding from a delicious daydream that felt so real. He misses the accept button a total of twelve times, and it gives him war flashbacks to trying to get a successful card swipe in front of his only nine friends. Finally, _finally,_ Corpse manages to hit the damn button.

"Hello?" asks Corpse.

"Bro, where are you at?" Felix demands to know, a certain hint of impatience to his never subtle tone. "We're supposed to be speed running!"

Corpse presses a palm to his forehead. "Shit, sorry. I got caught up in.. Corpse stuff."

"Simp. You have ten minutes to get your dorm and join our lobby, or else we're gonna track you down and steal your glass eye.

"That's a really specific threat.."

Felix sighs "GO HOME!"

The line goes silent as Corpse continues to lie there in the evening sunset, tears clouding his only eye as he wishes he could go back to that fake reality he was living in just a few seconds ago.

~

Corpse has never run this fast in his entire life. His artificial eye is still soaking in saline at home from trying to rest his eyes in bed, knowing he wouldn't sleep to begin with. His hair is messier than it ever has been, and Corpse is a thousand percent certain his jeans aren't zipped up all the way. Nothing matters in this moment besides pushing his body as hard as he can. Corpse's heart and lungs scream as he trips over himself.

"Hey! Hey!" he shouts, though it hurts his throat to say anything above his normal whisper. "Where is he? Tell me something!"

"Corpse, don't go in there!" begs Rae, grabbing onto his arm.

He rips himself out of her grip. "Don't touch me!"

Corpse opens the door with so much force that the handle nearly comes off in his hand as he goes against Rae's wishes and barges directly into Sykkuno's hospital room. A hand covers his mouth as he takes in the sight. God, his body is so still.. so stiff. The oxygen mask is gone, the tubes and needles no longer penetrate his skin, and the heartrate monitor no longer incessantly beeps. His scarred face contorts into so much pain upon seeing him there in that oversized gown.

"No! You.. you were supposed to wake up! I want forever with you, Kkuno! Don't do this! You can't fucking do this! Please, please wake up.. I'll give you _anything.._ Let me die instead.. You gave me so much, and I didn't fucking give it back! Wake up! _Wake up!"_

A hand touches his shoulder. "We need to go, Corpse. I told you not to come in here."

Corpse falls to his knees next to Sykkuno's body and clutches the one hand that survived his bout of sepsis. It's usually so warm and soft, but now? It's colder than ice and harder than a rock. Corpse shrieks in a desperate, low tone, trying so defeatedly to will some life back into that hand. He doesn't want this.. He doesn't-

_RING. RING. RING. RING._

Corpse shoots up in his bed, soaked in sweat and nightmares, as he feels around for his phone to take the call. Dave's name and picture light up the darkness of his bedroom as he groggily answers.

"Hey, Dave. What's going on?" Corpse asks.

"Sorry, I figured you'd be awake at this hour.. Charlie just got a phone call."

Corpse's eyes open wide as his heartrate spikes. "Tell me."

"You know how Sykkuno was supposed to be taken off the ventilator this coming evening?" questions Dave, his voice shaking.

"Yes, yes, of course! And?"

There's a small amount of painful silence as Corpse's little hope rises. Sykkuno is supposed to die today, but what if there's hope? What if Corpse finally has the opportunity to tell Sykkuno how much he loves him and never wants to let him go?

"He passed away. His night shift nurse went in to check his vitals around 2:00 A.M., but he was already gone.. Corpse, Tommy's nurse said he was smiling. He was smiling up at something she couldn't see. Please.. Tell me you're okay.."

Corpse takes a deep breath while wiping the cold sweat from his forehead. "I'm okay."

"Corpse, I don't know how to properly express my love for you right now. I think you should get over here. Like, now. I'm so sorry.." Dave professes, true sorrow apparent in his eloquent accent.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Be at Charlie's soon."

The phone slips from Corpse's hand as his face slams into his palms. He can't cry now, not when he needs to go be with his friends. He's so weary and anxious from his nightmare. Well, the nightmare that is now a reality. Sykkuno is dead. After six long months of fighting for his life, he's finally died. Maybe Corpse is supposed to feel relief. In fact, he even does a little bit. But, more than anything else, Corpse is distraught as fuck. He wanted more time..

Time.

Corpse slips out from sweaty bedsheets and pulls on his wine stained white tee. In his psychedelic state, he doesn't bother to grab _anything_ else. Not pants, not shoes, not his phone, not his eye. He just starts walking.. walking out from his room and down the steps and outside and across the courtyard. Corpse's world is physically blurry. He almost screams when a hand touches him.

"Corpse.." sniffles Jeremy.

"Hey, Jer. Sorry, I didn't see you." Corpse squints to see the puffiness of Jeremy's face covered in tears. "Are you okay?"

Jeremy nods while wiping his nose. "Yeah.. Yeah.. No. Corpse, I'm so sorry.. I'm _so_ sorry. I am the one who killed Sykkuno. I was jealous over Sykkuno choosing to give all of his time to you when I was trying so hard to vie for his affection. I think that you actually made him happier.. safer. I convinced you to leave him by guilting you. His death is on my hands!"

He begins full on sobbing into his hands, convulsing in front of Corpse like he never has before. Jeremy is usually smart and confident, strong and composed. But, now? He's a panicky mess of tears and pain. They've never gotten along before, not even when the friend group decided to take in Dave and himself. This is a new level of Jeremy perhaps nobody else has ever seen.

"Jeremy, look at me. I took responsibility for what Sykkuno did for so fucking long, but he wouldn't want any of us to blame ourselves for his actions. He was ill, Jer. He was so sick, and I wish greatly that I'd done more. We can't do this to him.. We can't hurt ourselves.."

Jeremy's lips quiver as he takes in the words before falling into Corpse's grip. Corpse holds him tightly, rubbing his back and clenching his eyes shut while Jeremy loudly sobs and quakes, soaking his shoulder. It gives him so much purpose to hold Jeremy's pieces together as the poor man crumbles. Corpse doesn't want to see anybody else get hurt anymore, not even Jeremy.

"Do you think he died happy?" Jeremy squeaks.

"I know it. Dave told me he was smiling. Whatever went on in his head during these past six months, it has to be worth something. Do you understand?"

He nods again. "Yeah. Thanks. Will you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive. Come on, we need to get to Charlie's. Everyone else is probably already there."

Jeremy grabs onto Corpse's hand, causing Corpse to wrap an arm around Jeremy to hold him up by sheer instinct. They begin meandering in the direction of Charlie's dormitory, but they don't make it more than five steps before hysterical crying causes them to turn around. Jeremy squeezes him tighter, still sniveling, as they both try to see who's closing in on them.

"Corpse? Jer?" asks Sean. He steps into the dim light, cuddling a bundle of shaky Felix in his arms. "Hey, guys."

Felix's arms and legs are locked around Sean as he's carried nearer to them. He's crying even louder than Jeremy still is, but the sound together is horrifically painful to hear. Sean's face is red, and Corpse is the only one with dry cheeks. Felix just huffs and wheezes into Sean's neck as the green haired fellow attempts to smile.

"Sean. Felix. Hey. Wanna walk with us?"

Sean nods, looking at Jeremy and Corpse's connected hands. "Yeah. Let's get going. It's going to be a long night."

~

Corpse quietly steps around the sleeping bodies littering Charlie's floor. Rae and Imane are cuddled up in Charlie's bed with Sean and Felix holding each other next to them on the floor. Lily is slumped over in the desk chair with Leslie at her feet. Dave and Charlie are a in a pile of their own hair in the corner of the room. Weaseling out of Jeremy's tight grip was hard enough, but now, trying to walk out of Charlie's room without accidentally crushing somebody's spleen is the challenge of the hour.

It's a little past 5:00 A.M., and after a long group therapy session, Corpse's friends were fast asleep. Felix, for the first time in his life, barely said two words the entire time they were talking. He was crying too hard. Rae was doing her best to be strong, but she could only choke out a few sentences here and there before it became too much. Charlie, the stone cold fox, couldn't stop himself from using Dave's hair to dab his tears away. Corpse just calmly listened and continually made sure Jeremy was in check. He couldn't bring himself to do anything more.

Sykkuno's death is just now beginning to dawn on him as he softly closes the door behind him and begins running off into the morning dew. Sleep isn't easy. He will be getting no more tonight.. maybe ever again. Corpse slips into dormitory three just a minute later, storming right up to the door he's passed so many times just to try and catch a glimpse of the one he loves. It's covered in police tape now, locked and unable to be accessed by.. anyone. Well, except Corpse's foot.

Corpse swiftly kicks at the door with his bare foot, trying not to mind the pain. His adrenaline takes over, and he doesn't fucking care. He grunts as his foot screams from the force. The entire hall of sleeping college kids erupts with an earthquake. Corpse finally manages to break the door down as he falls over his own pulsating foot and into Sykkuno's uninhabited room. Everything is exactly how he left it.. down to the pool of dried blood in the center of the floor.

Corpse has to turn himself away from the gruesome sight as his foot thumps. He feels the intense pressure build up behind his eye socket as the other one begins to well up. Where did this all go wrong? It went wrong.. when Corpse followed Sykkuno into bathroom.

He was standing in the lunch line that day, at the very end, as per usual. Corpse just wanted to get some food and go hide in the stairwell so he could quickly eat and dip again. But, when he saw that pretty boy get covered in his own soup and then proceed to run out without his backpack, completely embarrassed and in pain, Corpse didn't know what came over him. He left the line and picked up the precious Naruto bag to give it to the stranger. When Corpse found him bleeding in the bathroom.. he didn't know what to think.. to feel.

Corpse covers himself up in Sykkuno's bloody bedsheets as he begins to properly cry. The bed smells just like.. lavender and honey. It feels.. so right. He wants to go back in time and fix his mistakes. He wants to right the millions of wrongs that happened between Sykkuno and Corpse from the very beginning.

He just wants a second fucking chance.

Corpse balls up the sheets in his fists while pulling his legs up to his chest. He never wanted to say goodbye like _this._ He just wanted _time._

~

**Earlier that morning**

Tommy points up at the stars and planets shining above him and Corpse. The sky is vivid and full tonight, but it always is like this. He loves it here. In fact, Tommy could stay here forever. The world has never felt so beautiful before, and watching the milky way crawl across the sky with every day and night brings him so much purpose.

"Look at that one. It's so sparkly," Tommy comments, grinning at Corpse. "Which one is your favorite, Corpse?"

Corpse smiles back and nudges Tommy. "You. Remember when you said that to me?"

"Of course, I do. That was the best night of my life. You're the most amazing part of my life, Corpsey."

"When you say that, my little black heart pumps a bit faster.."

Tommy steals a kiss. "I love you. God, aren't these stars so big right now? They're.. they're closing in on us! Corpse, look! Look at the comets! They're coming right for us.. This is so beautiful.. Oh, I love this.. I love you. I love _everything._ We're never gonna leave here. I'm so happy, gosh! I can feel the stars. Oh, Corpse! I can feel the stars! I can feel.."

~

**Three days later**

Corpse descends the aisle, almost in slow motion, as various onlookers talk amongst themselves. His midnight suit is so sleek and pressed. He even has new shoes on in the darkest, shiniest black he's ever laid eyes upon. The purple lilies clutched in Corpse's right hand have held their scent well over the past few days. He's kept them watered, and even though Corpse isn't the greatest with his newly delicate hands, he still wrapped them back up in their cloudy sky paper with ribbon so they'd be.. _perfect._

For once, Corpse can see past his curls. His hair is all neat and in place, so he doesn't have to fight himself as he hovers over Sykkuno's casket and looks at the godsent creature sleeping so delicately in a bed of silk. Sykkuno's bangs are trimmed just the way they were last year, and it's almost as if no time has passed at all. Corpse picks up Sykkuno's only hand and carefully locks his fingers around the stems, laying the bulbs against his purple suit. Sykkuno looks breathtaking.

Corpse finds himself smiling at the one he's still so desperately in love with. He would surely love the smell of these pretty flowers that match his resting outfit so perfectly. Corpse can almost picture the smile on his face, eyes glistening with hope, as he passed away from this plane of reality and into his own. Because, even after all this pain, Corpse has found a way to believe in the beautiful. He believes in Sykkuno.

"Look at you, Tom-Tom. Pretty. As always," Corpse whispers, running a finger through those dark bangs. "Something tells me you would think that I'm pretty too.."

Corpse takes in a deep, long breath as he kneels over Sykkuno's body and works up enough courage to finally partake in something he's longed to ever since their first text exchange over Discord while their soon to be friends chattered away in Among Us. His lips delicately graze Sykkuno's unmoving mouth as Corpse experiences a little bit of that magic he always knew Sykkuno carried with him.

How special it is to kiss the love of Corpse's tortured life.

"Did you pick those flowers out, Corpse?" asks Rae, as Corpse lets go.

"Yeah. They look nice with his suit."

Charlie nods, his hand safely tucked into Dave's. "I've never seen the kid dressed so nicely."

"Charlie, have you seen yourself? You only wear white tees and basketball shorts! Now, you're wearing a suit!" exclaims Sean.

Imane chuckles. "It's so true, though. All of you look really nice. Especially you, Corpsey. How are you feeling?"

Corpse softly smiles. "Fine. Thanks."

"The service was beautiful," Lily comments, walking up to them with Leslie by her side.

"Oh, definitely," Jeremy responds, appearing at Corpse's side. "Tommy's mother is very good at speaking. She nailed that description of our kid."

Felix's eyebrows draw together. "I cannot believe this is our last day together. I'm gonna miss you all so much."

"Me too. _All_ of you. Kkuno included," says Leslie.

"Is this what you thought college would be like, Corpse?" Sean asks.

Corpse shakes his head. "No, I expected nothing from college. But, I found some really great fucking friends. And.. I fell in love too."

"Oh, Corpse.." moans Rae, immediately attacking him with a hug. "You're the strongest person I've ever met."

The other eight friends join their group hug, squeezing each other tightly, grasping hands, patting heads, tucking chins into necks.. It's all so intimate. Corpse could cry again, but he won't. If anything, he'd be crying over how much he loves these people. He never thought he'd be able to have friends after the fire.. or to be loved again. But, Sykkuno gave him the greatest gift of all time. Sykkuno gave him love and friendship. That alone is worth the entire fucking world.

"Hey, I still have about an hour before I have to leave for the airport," Felix begins, glancing at his watch. "How about we implement an emergency speed run?"

"Speed run? Out here? What, so we should just get on our phones at Kkuno's funeral?" questions Charlie, raising an eyebrow.

Felix sticks his tongue out at Charlie. "No! Let's.. let's.. uh.. play tag! There's so much open space, and I'm sure the dead won't mind if we have a little bit of fun on such an emotional day, right?"

Sean rolls his eyes. "What am I gonna do without you in my life?"

"Suffer." Felix quickly leans in and places his lips to Sean's for half a second. "You're it!"

They all simultaneously gasp as Felix takes off running, but there's no time to react, for as soon as Sean's awestruck euphoria dissipates, he shouts, "Oh, you're so dead!"

Corpse chuckles as his friends begin speeding off in Felix's direction to escape Sean. He'll join them soon enough, but first.. he has to say one last goodbye. Corpse places his elbows on the casket and looks back to the sweet angel. He can't help but feel immense pride for Sykkuno. He truly was like no other person on the entire planet. Corpse is sure of that..

"I've gotta catch up to them, Kkuno. I'll love you for as long as I exist, okay?"

Corpse gently rubs the pad of his thumb over Sykkuno's soft cheek and down to the lips he just tenderly kissed. Yes, he still wishes he could undo things.. a _lot_ of things.. but he can't. Corpse has been through a lot during his first year of college, but at least he was able to feel Sykkuno's warm presence for a precious moment in the grand scheme of all of this painful, gorgeous, endless, tender, hateful, lovely, reviving.. _time._

"Wherever you are, just know that I'll join you someday. You'll be watching me, right? Yeah. Right. Cool. Goodbye, Tommy," Corpse whispers.

And with his final farewell, Corpse begins running off to join the friends that he knows he's going to love forever. And ever.. And ever.. And.. _ever._

"With every breath I take."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that came along on this fantastic journey with me! Unfortunately, I must be saying goodbye now. :( I don't often write fanfic, so this is most likely the end of me for awhile. Leave a comment if you'd like! They make me so unbelievably happy to read!! Love you all! Goodbye for now! <3


End file.
